Hi Hold . . . it has been a while.

I don't have a lot to say that you havent heard, as we have both been at this for a long time. It does occur to me that perhaps you are reaching a new stage in the marriage . . . indifference.

I see others think you have suppressed anger and you agree to a certain extent: but really, who doesn't have some anger and resentment about their partner, the state of the marriage, where they are in their career, etc. ad nauseam? Anger is just an emotion.

I think indifference may bring you a new perspective. Detachment isnt a four-letter word. Sometimes it is the smartest way to be. You certainly aren't begging for crumbs as you once were; that is progress of a sort. You arent looking to your wife for happiness and that is a good thing. Happiness has to come from an internal source and I cant tell you how to find it . . . just where not to look. But you really should keep looking. Life is short and none of us are getting any younger. Life doesnt have to be misery.

If nothing else, I can say that you have endurance . . . you are not a quitter and you know how to suffer. For some reason what pops into mind is something Hermann Hesse wrote in Siddhartha. A merchant asked Siddhartha what is his worth, what he can do? And Siddhartha said I can think, I can wait, I can fast. Perhaps that is enough sometimes, just to be able to think and wait. There will be a time for doing. You will know when that time is ripe.


As Always,

Comfortably Numb


What we think or what we know or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do. ~ John Ruskin