And your decision to self-hate, too.

Agreed.

You describe it as a condition, when it's a choice. A choice continually made, so automatic, you experience it like a condition.

And all the while...in your basement somewhere...is a book...which was written by a man, out of love and care for other humans, and himself, to help you find your way to answers, to solve your reasons for self-hating, and to love your way to thriving.

And you just won't choose to go downstairs and find it.

Makes sense. Which is why the first step in Alanon is to admit one is powerless and their life unmanageable. When you get to that point, you'll find that book in your collection...in a stack to the side, under something else, maybe. And you will change your choices, your marriage, your parenting and your life.

Because you went to the basement and read something someone wrote from love. After all, you read all these posts for these years on MB...also written from one human to another, from love. Just as you have posted to others from love and respect.

Maybe you don't self-hate as much as you choose to believe...you have accepted these hundreds of posts...written with care and consideration.

Hmmm.

LA