Originally Posted by LovingAnyway
Thank you for explaining about the good feelings when you read the book...because that was my experience, my DH's experience, as well as others I know and those on MB...that this wasn't a pain-filled, hardwork book...it truly was a relief, full of good feelings (after the multiple shocks from epiphanies)...

I did not communicate well. I did NOT get good feelings when reading the book. Quite the opposite. The book triggered many negative feelings. That is why I put it down.

The book asked me to remember some time when I felt good feelings. And I refused to do so. I rejected the book. Lied to myself. Told myself there were no good times and no good feelings to remember. Then I walked away from the book.

If I am going to pick up the book again, I need to be willing to embrace the good times and the good memories and the good feelings. But I cannot do that. Because doing that would require me to let go of the "inner truth" that I am unloved and unlovable. Doing that would require me to admit that there have been good times and good feelings. It would require me to let the good feelings in. Past my moats and walls. And that I will not do.

When you can see it coming, duck!