Bubbles:

Thank you for your concern. I know you care about me and I care about you.

My kids are actually doing great. Puberty has been very kind to D12 and although she is still slightly overweight not nearly so much as several years ago. Basically her weight has stayed the same but moved to different places and she grew a couple of inches. So a much better ratio. She is quite popular socially and beyond her school friends is part of a tight knit community on her swim team.

S15 is also doing very well. He made the freshmen soccer and basketball teams. He has friends and goes to parties. His phone and computer receive a non-stop stream of messages. Yesterday he told Mrs. Hold "I want to do well in high school so I can go to a good college and get a good job so I can afford a nice place to live when I grow up". No more talk of "I wish I never existed".

Both kids do great in school. D12 has slumped slightly from her straight A average last marking period but is still doing very well and seems motivated to work harder going forward. S15 is doing honors level 10th grade math in 9th grade, and both his Mandarin and Spanish teachers say he has a gift for languages.

Mrs. Hold and I are very blessed in our children. And so far our parenting seems to be working for them. I am NOT going to rock this boat. The least likely outcome is that I become significantly more satisfied with my life. The terrifyingly likely outcome is that it throws one or both of my kids off their current successful path.

I appreciate your supportive thoughts on my behalf. Rest assured that I am making a conscious choice here. Might not be the choice that others would make for me. But for now I am determined to remain on this course. Bashing my wife does not motivate me to take different action. It just makes me more depressed about the parts of my situation I have no intention of changing.

The area where I need motivation is around work. I once again through God's grace find myself in a position with some interesting possibilities. I need to take advantage of them. So if you are going to "yell", please don't yell at Mrs. Hold. Yell at me. Because things will be much easier for me and the kids if I succeed at work.

Thanks again for your love. Now show me some tough love and kick my butt to write the memos that need to get out today!