Originally Posted by LovingAnyway
You've mentioned her adroit use of bedclothes to keep and ensure distance...I haven't asked before...does she do this on both sides of herself and at her head, too, like a sleeping nest? Or only delineating your space from hers, period...wide open at the feet, her side of the bed and the head of the bed?

How did you know? The covers are all toward me. Generally part of her body remains uncovered (which part varies). No covers on the side toward the edge of the bed. Pillows piled high toward me. Low toward the edge of the bed.

For years she said this was about my breath. I used every technique I could find to deal with this. Brush teeth, tongue and roof of mouth. Floss. Mouthwash (tried many kinds, herbal as well as commerical). Chew gum all day. For several years I avoided any food that contained onions or garlic or scallions or cruciferous vegetables for fear it would taint my breath. Even when the smell was not bad she would complain about the volume of air I expel (I am a mouth breather). We have a ceiling fan that is on every night so she can feel the breeze but she cannot tolerate the feel of my breath on her skin. I sleep with silicone inserts in my nostrils to control snoring. They help reduce the volume of air problem because I breath more through my nostrils and less through my mouth. Still, the pillows are piled up toward me.

Despite my voluminous posting, I no longer come here and document each and every episode of rejection. I mentioned last weekend's rejection only in the context of justifying my conclusion that frequent requests on my part would be met with frequent rejection. The evidence for that is overwhelming, and not only in the distant past but recently as well.

She is generally OK if I move my head toward her thigh while facing the tv so she knows that there is nothing sexual intended and I am just looking for Affection. But if my hand moves toward her from my side of the bed it frequently gets swatted away before I can get near her, even if it is aimed at a non-erogonous zone. Except her elbow. She has a very pointed bony elbow. Unlike the rest of her body which is soft and round and volunptuous. We have a standing joke when she wears a short sleeved nightie that she is flaunting her incredible elbows. And I make a big deal of finding them irresistible - unlike all those soft fleshy parts elsewhere. She is usually pretty good about allowing me to briefly fondle her elbow and verbally sing its praises.

Originally Posted by Soolee
Choosing to be passive aggressive for the next 6 years makes it seem as though you have already decided that you're mental health is dispensable, disposable, and of little consequence - that your personal integrity is of little matter. It seems like you've already chosen to sabotage your chances of being healthy enough to move on.

You describe how I feel perfectly. I have given up on ever being mentally healthy.

I feel like my life is already over and I am just waiting for it to end. Trying to keep my job until the kids graduate college and can live their own lives. I am not preparing myself for the next relationship because I do not expect to have a next relationship. What would be the point? I don't want to have more kids. I will never marry again because I am terrified of the prospect that even if I somehow magically found a woman willing to have sex with me, the sex would stop as soon as I said "I do". What exactly is there to move on TO? The only point of leaving Mrs. Hold is so I don't have to look into the face of the person who rejected me all those years. But we all know that is not a real solution. Because I will still be looking at that face. Every time I look in the mirror.

Thjere is no point in trying to convince me not to be eeyore. I am determined to remain eeyore. I am sorry I responded to jayne with more than "thanks".

When you can see it coming, duck!