And I do remember Hold saying that he's been round and round with his wife on this issue and doesn't feel the need or the wisdom in reminding her repeatedly why he is in withdrawal due to the fear of divorce and losing custody, but I am always finding myself wondering if it would work...

Maybe I'm too idealistic. Could be. But I think, Hold, that your wife deserves to know how this whole SF issue has affected your view of life and your feelings about yourself, especially. I think she should be told. Perhaps she doesn't truly realize how much her actions have affected your self esteem.

I believe you're relying too much on her ability (or inability) to read into your state of mind. People get used to how others act and stop feeling responsible at a certain point. They learn to forgive themselves so that they can adapt to their surroundings and function adequately in life, so the unhappiness then stops being an accusation to them and evolves into the responsibility of the other.