Originally Posted by veejay
I just think there is no place for resentment in Plan A. And I can't see plan A working if it is present. I thought that if there is anger and resentment over lack of SF then this should be expressed as a thoughtful request. Continuing to walk around emanating bitterness and resentment to my mind is a 'selfish demand'.

Agreed. That is why I have no hjope for my marriage. My patience and ability to resist resentment has reached its limit.

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If you've expressed your disappointment/anger and asked for the need to be met - that should be it. done. The resentment shouldn't continue.

Maybe that would be the case for other needs. But the requirement of monogamy makes this difficult as regards sex. On other issues, we can agree to disagree. She votes Democrat, I vote Republican. We can go to the sushi place and I can order chicken tempura and not eat raw fish. Or she can go to the sushi restaurant with a friend while I go to Buffalo Wild Wings. But for sex, if we disagree, then my need for sex goes unmet.

For me, for the resentment to end, I would need to end the marriage and be free to seek sex elsewhere. However, that requires me to pay a price as regards time with my children that I am not willing to pay.

I know it is my choice to stay. I know I would be healthier and more mature if I could accept my choice more graciously and not resent her for the lack of sex. But I am not that healthy or mature. I am paying a price for choosing to stay with my kids. A price she does not have to pay because she could choose divorce and keep predominate custody of the kids. I am determined that she pay a price for forcing me to make this choice. No matter what it costs me.

I am taking all the poison I can get my hands on. Unfortunately, I haven't died yet.

When you can see it coming, duck!