Originally Posted by veejay
Hold, I think I'll have to go back and read your description of how you implemented plan A. (maybe I can learn from your experience. From the small amount I've read it looks like your wife is not following the MB program at all?

Do not in any way shape or form use me as an example of how to rebuild your marriage. I am probably the poster child for long term failure. I choose to wallow in bitterness and resentment rather than create a happy life for myself, with or without Mrs. Hold.

And don't worry about me sounding down. I am known around here as eeyore. I always sound down here. Funny thing is, last night my wife asked me why I have been so cheerful lately.

Does she accept that it is her and not you?

No. Because that isn't true. it is partly her. She was raped. More than once. Left scars. She wasn't aware of them until after we got married. She still claims they aren't there. I know it is a huge DJ, but I feel they are there but she refuses to acknowledge them because she is unprepared to deal with the fallout fo admitting they exist.

But that is not the whole truth. There is also the part that I am not physically attractive, not well endowed, not good in bed, so sex with me has probably never been very good for her. She told one of our sex counsellors that sex with me was wonderful, but I find that impossible to believe. To me it indicates how far into self-denial she is.

And then there is the financial issue. My family has much less money than she thougth we had. And I earn much less than she expected I would earn. She is bitterly disappointed by our lack of social and economic statute, and while she would say this has nothing to do with the lack of sex, I know it does.

I know I am speaking for her and that is frowned on at MB. MB would tell me to accept her explanations. But her statements do not line up with the facts. They do not line up with the lack of sex on our honeymoon or during our first year of marriage before the kids arrived. They do not line up with the tremendously irresponsible behavior on her part thaty started PRECISELY when I first seriously complained about the lack of sex after our 5th anniversary.

If the problem was truly my poor behavior from expressing my resentment, then there would have been more sex when I behaved in the ways she requested. Took her on fancy vacations. Behaved cheerfully. Even romantically. But none of that worked. Because the mechanism is not what she claims it to be.

When you can see it coming, duck!