Occasionally, a physically abused woman will come on MB looking for validation and/or help.

Most physical abuse begins with verbal and emotional abuse and controlling tendencies. I can certainly understand why Cat would be concerned.

That being said, I'm in agreement that when we state that MB won't work in cases of abuse or addiction, the statement should probably be modified to read 'physical abuse or addiction'.

I agree that POJA would be the way to go in this situation, but raising awareness of the early signs of potential physical abuse is not necessarily showing this person a disservice. I think that's up to her to decide.

One thing I did find is an excerpt from a letter by Dr. H to a client in reference to alcohol addiction: One of the first things I do when couples see me for counseling is to evaluate them for drug and alcohol addiction. If I feel that either is addicted at the time, I refer the addicted spouse to a treatment program. The Love Buster, drug or alcohol addiction, will prevent them from resolving their marital conflicts because it controls them. It must be eliminated before marital therapy has any hope of being successful.

And here is an excerpt from the "Why Women Leave Men" article that helps to substantiate the belief that Dr. H feels physical abuse is a justifiable reason to leave.

Surprisingly few women divorce because of physical abuse, infidelity, alcoholism, criminal behavior, fraud, or other serious grounds. In fact, I find myself bewildered by women in serious physical danger refusing to leave men that threaten their safety.

My own personal belief is that in cases of physical abuse, addiction, or untreated mental illness - those issues need to be dealt with first before MB concepts can be applied with any true hope of success, and Dr. H does state in one of his letters (I'm sorry - forgot which one) that sometimes when the issue is cleared up, there is a false sense that the marriage is then on track, when the actual marital therapy hasn't yet begun and has a long way to go. (My understanding and paraphrasing.)


"Stop yappin and make it happen."
"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."

Me 47
DH 46
Together for 28 years.
Married 21 years.