OK, I will stop saying it. Clearly it is de-motivating to her (as it would be to many people). And you are correct, of course she doesn't want to have to convince me I'm not a loser - because that would require her to have sex with me. Which she knows darn well. So I will stop saying I am a loser. But unless and until we have more sex (extremely unlikely to occur), then I will still FEEL like a loser.

If that is the case, I am not sure that my refraining from saying it makes much difference. Except to make it easier for her to live in denial. Which promotes my goal of staying married for 5 more years. Hence my motivation to stop saying it out loud.

Then again, if I am determined to measure my self worth as a person by my partner's willingness to have sex with me (and I am), and I am married to someone who has little or no willingness to do so, then maybe I should question yet again my goal of staying married to that person.

When you can see it coming, duck!