Originally Posted by Retread
You can be Radically Honest about the fact that things are good for her, and the children, and for you, but things could be a lot better for both of you, and what is missing is largely within her control. She has the power to make things better. You have to think about things better, and recognize the positive when it is there and seize it as an opportunity to Complain Politely.

This is where my pessimism really hurts me. I do NOT believe it is within her control. I do NOT believe she has the power to make things better. I do NOT believe that there is any chance Complaining Politely will get her to change.

You see, somewhat perversely, it is only by convincing myself that she is NOT capable of change that I have been able to stay with her. If I thought she WERE capable of changing, but is choosing not to change, I would hate her so much I could not remain in the same room with her.

That is the irony. My coping strategy is to convince myself there is no hope for change on her part. Of course, convincing myself of that dooms me to never be happy (because I know I don't have the guts to leave her). And if I am never going to be happy, why even try? At anything.

Wow, I really need help. Telly suggesting that I do inpatient for a month seems more reasonable lately.

When you can see it coming, duck!