Originally Posted By: holdingontoit
Originally Posted By: lurioosi2
I have gotten to the point after years of teaching that when my students do something they know they shouldn't do or don't do something they should do and then say "I'm sorry," I respond, "Don't be sorry. Be different." That's kind of how I feel in general. Don't be sorry. Don't feel bad. Be different. I sense you have that feeling too.


Quite the opposite. I do and don't do plenty of things I feel sorry about. I know I should be different. But I don't choose to be. That is my bad regardless of whether Mrs. Hold is also doing or not doing things she regrets. Or maybe doesn't regret.

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My brother has horrible asthma and allergies, and he did well with our daschund. And daschunds are sweet and lovey dovey. I still miss Muffin.


Yes, we will clearly need to get a poodle or hairless or some form of "doodle" that is not very allergenic. I had a poodle mix as a kid. She was great. I still have her ashes in my basement (our parents wouldn't let us bury her in the back yard). Poodles tend to be smart and high strung so I like a mix with something a little more - hmmmm, how to say this without a massive canine DJ - relaxed and incurious.


It is NOT uncommon for our INNER selves to understand more about the situation than our CONSCIOUS selves. Perhaps... your 'choosing' to do things which you know are not the best for your relationship, is merely your inner self's attempt at sabotaging the relationship to the point that it ends. I believe that was what I was doing towards the end. I began 'seeing' more and more of the craziness my wife brought to our relationship. Even with her 'trying' the things she had chosen to do and the way she had acted were not explained. I began seeing that it wasn't just the RELATIONSHIP which was the problem, it was the LIES she told me and the LIES I told myself. I just got to the point that I couldn't 'respect' the person she had chosen to be, and the few changes she was making without actually changing the LIES she was basing herself on, just weren't going to change this fact. I believe that I knew that the marriage was not based on mutual love and respect, but on half-truths and money. When I really began seeing that without my paycheck... we would never have gone on this long, I began realizing that I had been lying to myself. When that broke down... the propping of the marriage upon my shoulders crumbled. I finally felt 'strong enough' in myself, to confront the lies I had been avoiding... and she bolted for the door.

Your choices might be similar. Perhaps your conscious self 'wants' things to be better, however you subconscious self KNOWS that the basis isn't there.

I couldn't NOT get married, because I felt like the 3 years I had dated her had made not only HER, but her daughters MINE. I would have to LEAVE my family if I chose to not marry. So I bucked up and married. My conscious mind wanted to... but I remember telling myself OPENLY, that I WOULDN'T marry her until she got counseling... but I didn't follow through. My subconscious self KNEW... but my conscious self couldn't 'walk away'. That is a hard place to be in. And perhaps you need to delve into those thoughts a bit and see whether you are depressed because of the situation or more because you RECOGNIZE the dissonance between what you KNOW, WANT, and SEE.

IMO this DOG CRAP is just that... CRAP. You are looking for a 'pill' which will fix the problem. Just like people who buy a house or have a baby after an affair, thinking that "IT" will be the thing which 'fixes' everything. I understand it is for your daughter... but read your post again... you are hoping for YOU!