Originally Posted by Jeff4187
Wow, it looks like it's all starting to impact.

It started off with "Are you going to ignore me while you do all this crazy stuff?" Then accusing me of hacking into email accounts to get the address for the OMW. Then lots of "you're just making my life better" and "you're really making this decision easy." And "how ugly do you plan to make this?" Then threatened to out me as a homosexual. Then threatened to sue me for slander, since I have no proof to back any of this up. Said she would never go to counseling with me, or ever see me again. And the big finisher "I'll never speak to you again if you go through with this."

All my responses were positive, and fair. Lots of "I'm sorry you feel that way, but hopefully you'll see in time that I only have the best interest of our marriage at heart."

I find the threats to "out" me especially comical given the recent attitudes towards Don't Ask, Don't Tell.

Sent the whole conversation up to my BN commander. Let no one ever say I wasn't completely honest and open throughout this.

I am somewhat concerned that I haven't heard anything back from OMW.

In your earlier post, you said that you didn't think she would ever forgive you for betraying her and going to her chain of command with this. First of all, she betrayed you, not the other way around. I'm sure if the roles were reversed, she would have done the same to you, and deep down, she knows that, but she'll never let it on to you...at least while she's still active in the affair. You see, my WW was absolutely furious that I exposed to her employer. She said she'd never forgive me for trying to ruin her career. I told her she was the one having an affair with a coworker, and if her career was going to be ruined, it was because of that, not my actions. She knew that deep down inside, and once there was NC w/ OM, she admitted she understood it, and it was water under the bridge. Trust me, if your WW goes complete NC w/ OM as a result of your exposure, I'd give you about an 80% chance of recovering your marriage. Seriously, if the affair partner is removed from the situation, and there is no one else to meet your wife's needs, she will seek you out to meet them again, and if you make enough love bank deposits, the love busters (exposure) will get outweighed. She's not going to stop calling you. I bet she calls you every day to spew venom at you. The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference. Your WW still obviously loves you, but is too caught up in the addiction of her affair. If she was wanting to try and work it out with you just a week ago, I'm pretty confident that she will IF OM is COMPLETELY out of the picture for good and there is no more contact from here on out. Just let exposure do it's work and minimize love busters at this time. Sit back, pull up a chair, and just watch the fireworks for now.

Edit: Why the name change?

Last edited by jmwc95; 04/20/10 07:48 AM.


BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story