gerka,

Have you noticed that none of us are as outraged about her comments as you? Have you noticed that RIF and others are still guiding you? Have you noticed that you have been told her behavior is "normal"? Have you noticed that we have referred to her as an alien who replaced your W?

The reason you may have noticed these things is because as odd as it sounds, your W's behavior is absolutely textbook in her actions and words. While it probably will give you no comfort at this point, there is nothing "special" about her affair, her words, or her denial. There is nothing "special" about her rewriting history, abandoning all morals, and reneging on her sworn oath as an Officer in the US military.

RIF pointed out that most people get punished following an affair for lying under oath, not for the affair itself. She is lying, he is lying, and they will continue to lie until they are hauled before a board and the hammer of justice is lowered.

My recommendation is Time and Patience. Give this time, have patience with yourself, the process, and even her. Whenever, you start to get in a spiral, just say to yourself, T&P, T&P, T&P. I tell you this because "this too shall pass." It will pass Gerka, I promise you that.

RIF pointed out that most officers do NOT, feel that adultery is acceptable especially between members of the military. He is NOT lying. My best friend in the military and the best man at my wedding was a JAG, and even in those "old" days adultery was not condoned or accepted. And lying to a board was NEVER accepted.

I will tell you that you might want to forward what you heard about the OCS activities of your W. Some of her classmates may know more than you realize and under oath, surprises do come out.

Just remember, the MAIN goal is to end the affair, then there will be options.

Hang in there.

JL