Gerka (and others saying it is our job to support [aka encourage / enable] his plan to save the marriage,

I couldn't disagree more. True friends, or true people committed to helping others, don't hold back on what's in their heart. I've read every post in this thread. I've also been in Gerka's shoes. I wanted badly to recover my M as well, at first.

So I vehemently disagree that we need to not speak our hearts and minds just to respect Gerka's "decision" if we don't agree with it.

And I do disagree. Gerka, it is quite likely that this woman is broken, and will do this again to you given her history of (likely) additional infidelity which you don't know about currently. Think LONG and HARD whether she is worth it. She may have changed permanently (like my XW did). You need to think about that possibility, and be REALLY HONEST with yourself about WHY you are so committed to this marriage. Is it in your BEST interest long-term to remain married to a serial cheater when there are no kids involved.

Sometimes, there is no explanation for why people change, no rhyme or reason. Don't make the mistake of assuming she can be fixed. Maybe she can - but the facts you have presented makes me think she's far more like my XW, who has continued to spiral down the path of alienating all friends and family, and deeper into a path of self-destruction. I couldn't save her because she didn't want to be saved.

Sorry if it is not the advice you want to hear, but I believe it is for the best. Remember, you are in a "fog" just as much as she is, and I think you sound a bit like you're in denial about your ability to save the marriage.

I've been in your shoes man. There's no harder thing, no tougher pain for man. No hurt like it. I will pray for you.

(No Longer)ConfuzedHusband

Formerly ConfuzedHusband
WW (Now XW)
Married 4 years, No children.
EA/PA from 2/2008 to 5/2008.
DDay: 5/17/2008 - Separated 6/1/2008 - Filed 8/3/2008
Divorce final 3/2009.

Now in a committed relationship with a woman of character who loves me so much better and deeper than I ever dreamed possible. I had no idea what I was missing out on and am so grateful God gave me a free "second chance" at love and life.