Originally Posted by Gerkaguards
Well she lived in brazil for years, and speaks portuguese, that's why I included the bit about the Portuguese CPT.

I am engaging her in topics of interest, and things that are happening here with me, but I don't feel the need to "spice them up." It just doesn't seem right to me. I'm trying to give our marriage a second chance, and the foundation for that is bare honesty. If it doesn't work, at least I'll know I tried my best and stayed true.

Once you get your WW engaged again and working on the marriage, then you can be completely open and honest again. Like my situation for example, my WW wanted to know how I found out about the second calling card she used to call OM. She used one calling card before, and I found it in her purse and tore it up. This time she bought a $5 card from a gas station, called OM from a payphone, and immediately threw it away. But I still found out. She wanted to know how I knew. And I wouldn't tell her. And she was furious. Well, several months after the fact when she was committed to the marriage again, I told her I knew she wouldn't be caught with a card again, so I was tracking her purchases online. I knew she always filled up her tank completely, and if she ever bought anything from the gas station, it was just a soda. So, when I saw a purchase at a gas station for the EXACT amount of $5, I KNEW it was for a $5 pre-paid calling card, the same amount she had bought the previous time. I also shared with her the spy software that I had on the computer. All is fair in the heart of the battle. You can easily exaggerate some stories, and then when you are reconciling, you can say, "I may have exaggerated a few stories there for a while to pique your interest," and all will be forgotten. Remember, humor and laughter can be some of the most powerful tools for re-engaging her and whittling down that wall she has up, especially self-depricating humor.

Here is a juiced up example:

"You won't believe what happened to me today. I was working on the server and I got completely zapped to hell. It felt like I was getting tasered. And the worst part was, I was working for a few hours staight and I had a couple of Mt. Dews in the morning, so I kinda had to go, so when I got zapped, I...pissed myself a little. I hoped no one else saw it. Thank god for those camouflage pants and the different shades of green, or it would have been completely obvious. I'll definitely be more careful next time AND go to the bathroom before I mess with that server again."

That might be a little over the top, but you get the point. It sounds a lot better than, "I got shocked by the server today." I would definitely include the shocking in your email. You WANT her to feel a little worry. That will make her aware that she still cares about you. I would mention it, not make a big deal of it, but kinda follow it up with a little funny retort after mentioning it. Something to liven up the conversation a little but still "stay true."


BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story