The lack of boundaries in a marriage are both partners faults'. Those were the conditions that led to the affair. I encouraged independent behavior when we lived apart, because I didn't want her sitting around moping and being sad and alone. So when she would ask if I minded if she went out to the bars with her friends at OCS, I encouraged her to do so. I mean, I did the same thing at OCS (minus the affair.) I even arranged it so she could use a friend of mine's empty apartment so she wouldn't have to sleep in the barracks on the weekends. frown