I need a way to respond to this "anytime I tell you something you use it against me." If you've been following this thread this was one of my concerns very early on, that by betraying the trust she placed in me by disclosing the affair, I would sabotage future reconciliation. So how do I break through this?

THere are no magic words that you can say. She just has to accept the fact that you are NOT the kind of guy who would look the other way when his WW has an A. You were under no obligation to keep her dirty secret, no matter what you "promised". The fact that she wanted you to, speaks to her lack of respect for you.

Inspite of what she said about not giving you details about her life. She IS doing just that. She is even calling you when she thinks she missed your call.

Are you still writing her bi-weekly emails?