Hold, I haven't posted to this forum for years, but I've continued to follow your story. Certain aspects of your story always resonated with mine. I was married for 10 years to my ex-wife, with a young child (who's now 11). She destroyed my credit, hid debt from me, got debt in my name, refused to have sex, etc etc. I'm sure if you look up my old posts you can find my story. My ex also cheated on me constantly.

Like you I felt worthless and beat down. Depressed all the time. Wondered if this was what I deserved, etc, etc.

I was honestly at the point where I wondered if I should continue on, if you know what I mean. Then I dug up the courage and finally left my wife. The prospect scared me as much as staying with her, but I knew if I didn't my kid would probably not have a dad for too much longer.

We were already in the red financially every month, so we both had to file bankruptcy. I felt super depressed and bad for a good 6 months, in addition to living in a crappy apartment and eating noodles day in and day out. But you know what?

I got through it.

After the bankruptcy went thru that gave me a little more breathing room. My kid turned out to be just fine after the divorce. I started healing.

I tried dating but ran away from any woman who gave me a red alarm that she was ANYTHING like my ex. So I didn't really date much. But then 3 years into it I met the love of my life. I never knew what love truly was before that. Or what it was like to actually have someone truly care about your feelings and love you. (And yes, sex came with the total package).

It's been a couple years, and we've since married. If you'd have asked me 6 years ago if I thought I'd be financially stable, married to a wonderful woman, and really living the life of my dreams, what do you think I would have said? Hell No.

Don't really know why I'm posting this to you. You won't make a decision until you're willing to make a decision. But I think you owe it to yourself to truly consider getting a divorce. Your kids will be fine. You'll be fine. Do you really want your kids growing up thinking that what you and their mom has is a normal relationship?

I'm going back to lurkdom, but I just want you to know that you're in my prayers and I think you deserve at least a chance of being happy. Or at least to not be so damn sad all the time.