JHJ, you may be right. We should probably get divorced and both be happier.

Last night I told Mrs. Hold she looked nice in her low cut top. She said it was creepy the way I look at her sometimes. I said "yes, I know it bothers you. I try not to stare. You look so good it is hard to resist." She said it creeped her out sometime. I said "it is an unfortunate interaction between us. You are understandably sensitive. I am particularly needy. It really doesn't work well together." She started to freak out "what, so it is all on me, all my fault?" I said "no, it is our interaction. I want sex and need sex and that puts pressure on you and you cannot tolerate any pressure." She started screaming "so it is all me? All my fault? Nothing on you?" I calmly replied "no, that is not what I said, I said it was a combination of both of us." She said "don't you think you are way out on the far end of the scale?" I said "no, actually, I think on the range of husbands I am probably less demanding than most, but you cannot tolerate any pressure at all so any non-zero pressure from me causes problems." Again she screamed at me about putting all the blame on her. I said "I am not blaming you. I am just describing how it feels to me. Every night I come home and my heart is cut out from my chest and sliced into little pieces and left out in the sun to rot." She said "so I am never entitled to feel icky? Never entitled to not be in the mood?" I said "of course you can be icky sometimes. But you reject me overwhelmingly." She said "I hardly ever turn you down." I said "of course not, because I hardly ever ask. But what about the many nights I come home from work and before I can even say hello you warn me that you feel icky or tired or not well or that I should be quiet because you are trying to rest. You don't think those are pre-emptive rejections? Well they are to me. You reject me all the time."

Then she asked "so what are we going to do about it? Well, what do you want to do?" I said "nothing. This is an irresolvable problem. We have been working on it for 13 years. Neither of us is going to change. All couples have irresovable differences. Some can't agree on whether sushi is edible. It is a shame that our irresolvable difference is about something so important." She asked again what we are going to do about it. I said "nothing. You are a nice person. I am a nice person. We are going to stay married and raise our children together."

She grabbed her nightie and went into the bathroom to change.

If I had any guts or any self-esteem I would have said that we are going to get divorced and each try to find happiness elsewhere.


When you can see it coming, duck!