When she yells/screams/shouts...remove yourself. No matter how much you want to say what you want to say, repeat what you just said or repeat again...


You don't feel empowered because you stay present for the abuse. You lecture, dissuade, persuade...while she verbally abuses you.

"Yelling is abusive"

and just leave the room.

She continues, leave the house.


For you, no stating beyond that, no respect or decency (because I know you don't choose to do those, like radical honesty).

You remove because that's your most basic, necessary boundary.

See, I think you don't say, and don't say some more, until you just gotta say, provocatively, parentally, and then you lay the yelling at her feet.

No daily boundary of sharing your opinion (in tidy bits).

No "Ouch" when she says to her your stare is disturbing (and think of how she could be setting you up for a restraining order)...

Nope. We know you choose not to free yourself, act from respect, love and honor the marriage...we get it.

Do the minimal because...when you don't (and you don't), you are doing harm, manipulation, dishonesty and disrespect.

I think you have a ton of "got to's" in your head, behind your thoughts, justifying your way...which keeps your self-hatred at a comfortably optimal level.

She isn't the villain...nor are you. You're both partners in crime, IMO. Using the children to justify your patterns as you keep doing harm.

And looking so nice and lovable, tolerant, long-suffering.

Pain is necessary; suffering is optional.

You're addicted.