Do not base your marriage on mine, or try to understand what has happened to us. It likely won't provide useful information for improving your marriage, or anyone else's. A quick one line summery: we have both given up on gettng our needs met, and have accepted that being "nice" to each other is the most we can hope for. Do not aim for what we have settled for.

Instead, work the MB system in its entirety. Spend liots of UA time together. Avoid LBs. Meet your spouse's ENs. And hopefully you will get to the place where you are both deeply and romantically in love.

When you can see it coming, duck!