Big fight the last few days over insurance. Mrs. Hold gets everything when I die (401k, biggest insurance policy, etc). I am changing smaller life policy, and decided to put it in trust rather than having her be the beneficiary outright. I told myself years ago I would not give her control to where she could spend everything and ruin us again.

I told Mrs. Hold of my plan. She exploded. She thinks she is entitled to everything. I explained how her past overspending worries me, and that I wanted to know that the kids' college was paid for no matter what she did with the rest of the money. I thought she had grudgingly accepted my position (I know, as a good MBer I should push to where she is enthusiastic, but there is not going to be mutual enthusiasm here and we only have until Friday to get the insurance before I become older and the policy becomes more expensive).

Then she apparently discussed this with her father, who got her all worked up again. I remained calm during our next discussion, but I am royally pissed. When I discovered her huge overspending, I asked for his help in talking to her about her spending and lying about it. He told me to leave him out of it and handle it myself. So now I am handling it, and he wants to criticize my choices? He can take his views and shove them.

Also, I doubt Mrs. Hold has explained all the facts to him. Her continued overspending after I discovered the first big problem. Her opening new accounts after she agreed to give up her cards. Her forging my name on checks to pay off the cards she wasn't supposed to have. Her continued overspending whenever we "test the waters" in later years. And her complete lack of remorse over any of this (last night she tried to justify her spending saying "it wasn't a waste, I spent it on our house and the kids"). I expect that if she told him the whole story, he wouldn't be complaining that I am holding back 1 account. He would be suggesting I lock up everything else to protect her from herself. I think his intentions are good (protect my daughter), but his suggested soluition is way off target.

Ayway, just venting because I am getting huge flak and I wuld like to POJA a solution but I can't see that Mrs. Hold is interested in any restrictions on her access to money. We discussed having a bank be the trustee, but she was opposed to that as well. She wants it all for herself, and that is something I am simply unwilling to do, no matter how much she dislikes it.

She said it is bad that I don't trust her. I agreed. But I am not being irrational. She has shown herself to be untrustworthy. And she shows no remorse. So she is getting what she signed up for. As am I.

A big part of me wishes I had not told her about the new policy. If I had never heard of MB, I might have just gone ahead and done it.