The thing that gets me about this is her complete lack of remorse. When we discussed the overspending, she objected to me describing it as wasteful. She said it was not a waste because she spent it on the house and the kids. I told her it was more than we had budgeted, and that she lied to me about it when I asked, so must have known it was not appropriate.

She said she simply could not bear to live the way we lived then, or live now, and so she felt compelled to spend whatever it took to create an appropriate home for herself and our children. She said that poor people live better than we do. I told her that I am also disappointed in our lifestyle, it is not what I expected it to be when I graduated law schiool, but that does not justify going deeper into debt trying to create a lifestyle we cannot afford.

I suggested that if she is not satisfied with our house in the suburbs on almost 2 acres, and her car, and the spending money I give her every week, then she should leave and find someone else who can support her in the style to which she wants to become accustomed. Not that I want her to, but if she truly finds our house and lifestyle unbearable, then I will understand if she needs to make a change. If she chooses to stay, however, I cannot tolerate spending in excess of our income. Moreover, to the extent that she feels "it is for the house or the kids" justifies unlimited spending, that reinforces my fear that she might justify enormous spending after my death - which makes me even more determined to carve out one piece beyond her reach for the kids' education.

I am simply astonished that she would try to justify her overspending. I can understand explaining why it happened. How she felt at the time. But not asserting that it was OK and I should stop viewing it as excessive or inappropriate. It is one thing to expect that after all this time I wuold forgive her. But it is another to assert that I don't need to forgive her because she didn't do anything wrong!