H2CU: She was raped several times. She chose me as a husband because I am gentle and passive. She thought my disposition would preclude me from pressuring her for sex. She was wrong. SF is my #1 EN and over time I have pressed very hard for it. So you are correct, she was triggered by her past. And ours.

I am sure her past plays a role in our dynamic, but she denies it so I must respect her wishes and leave that topic off the table. She could not be more clear or consistent in her position that my role is to protect her and keep her safe from sex. I have rejected that role in the past, because I had the naive hope that eventually she wuold relent and permit us to have sex on a regular basis. I now understand my hope is a figment of my imagination. As long as I stay with her, my job is to ensure that she is never called upon to engage in sex. I may not enjoy my job. But I am determined to perform it to the best of my ability. Pretty much dooms any chance for romantic love in our marriage. But I gave that up a long time ago.

Look at my join date. I have been here a long time. With little progress to show for it. In large part my fault for not working to improve myself sufficiently. Not that improving myself would likely result in more sex. But I would feel better about myself and be more open to taking action that would rectify the situation.

That is why, although I laud the MB system and suggest that others implement it, I have given up using it in my marriage. If I am unwilling to do the work to improve myself, I am not implementing the full program. And without the full program, MB will not succeed. As I said, I have given up hope of ever being romantically in love with my spouse. Or she with me. But we parent fairly well, and I am not sure that would continue if we divorced, so I am intent on staying together while the kids are living with us. After that, who knows.

When you can see it coming, duck!