I've been reading your thread for a long time and I know all the work you've put in and I'm familiar with your history. What if all of your effort is just now really sinking in? It must be really frustrating and sad to look at how LONG you've been doing this. I feel for you. I think you owe it to yourself to just show up on Tuesday. Dig deep and find a way to set your resentment aside for just a little while. Maybe you'll give up on Wednesday, and that's okay. But give Tuesday a try.

This stuff that's hurting right now, this pain, this fear,
it's temporary.