The common themes I see on the long time posters who keep coming back with the same problems is that they are denial about what they have accepted. They go back and forth claiming they've accepted things, when clearly they haven't or they would shut up about it.

Second, they seem to be on the lookout for the magic bullit. They magical words that are going to convince them that they should do x or y, or whatever. But they are stuck in analysis paralysis, because no matter what anyone says, they are not convinced.

Convincing them requires certainty of outcome which can not be provided in any way that eliminates all risk. And usually they are extremely risk adverse.

And even if a relatively low risk option is presented, their life experiences coupled with their own certainty around their decision making skills makes them extremely biased in considering any suggestions. Meaning regardless of what they say about past choices, they at one time thought it was the right thing to do and it apparently didn't work out, so they conclude that even if they believe it's the right thing to do, they aren't going to do it because they expect they will be wrong again.

It all combines to resigning themselves to no action because nothing sounds like it will work, and even if does sound like it will work, they feel they are probably wrong about that, so don't do it. So to them, the best thing to do is wait around until everything blows up.

In this way, they can just wait for their life to "happen to them". Which I suppose for some is more palatable to having tried and failed. But for most, it's not, so, they seek advice for their plight as a proxy for having tried.

Just my $0.02

Me 43 BH
MT 43 WW
Married 20 years, No Kids, 2 Difficult Cats
D-day July, 2005
4.5 False Recoveries
Me - recovered
The M - recovered