Originally Posted by Powerbane
Hilltopper - here's the cool thing about all this - it can all turn around for the better!

I fell into a funk or fog or whatever you want to call it for about 4 yrs. During that 4 yr period SF was pretty much non-existent. When I woke up and started to realize the neglect and I started applying MB principles, it was hard to sit around and be told no everytime I initiated. I originally took it as - dang - rejected again. In my wife's mind - it was why won't he leave me alone - doesn't he know I love him and I just can't turn on the SF feelings immediately?

We've gotten past this finally. I kept filling and keep filling her love bank. It's one of my top priorities! She knows where I stand and she fills mine by being more receptive and not saying no all the time and we did settle on a minimum of SF monthly that was mutally acceptable - dang it - did we just POJA???!!!!

For my wife and I - it's been a time of healing past hurts and straightening out current problems and sometimes just going with the flow and being there with the UA time as much as we can now. We now flirt and play with each other daily whereas for a long long long time our marriage and relationship was dead.

It's good your wife is here. Mine still thinks MB is a bunch of kooks but she dies like the positive changes so I guess we are not all bad.

Good luck on your journey and keep those love busters down to a minimum. Talk with your wife and don't hesitate to inquire and ask what she thinks about things. Just like you can't read her mind - she can't read yours either!

God bless you both and Good journeys with MB!

Being told no really sucks. After a while I just assumed it was a no and pretty much stopped asking. I hate that it has gotten to this point but there is nothing I can do now but just move forward and fix it. I'm thrilled my wife is here on this forum with her own thread. After getting some positive, but apparently a lot of negative feedback she said something along the lines of, "I'm done with it. I'll read but I won't spend time on this forum." I respectfully encouraged her to stay. I think the curiosity alone will keep her coming back. You all smacked me around too when I first came here and it was hard to take. I think many times our expectation of what to expect here is different from the reality. When I first came here I thought I'd get a "Ohhh, poor Hilltopper, what he has to endure from his wife every day...." Instead it was more of a "stop behaving like an [censored] and LBing your wife all day". Makes me laugh now and I'm sure my wife is just rebelling against getting slapped up side the head a bit. Keep at it with both of us!

Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD