LiD, you may get further if you drop the thinking of "What's best for me?" or "What's best for her?" and start making decisions based on "What's best for the marriage?"

Another thing I see in your post is that you apparently feel like your wife is standing in between you and what you want. But as a wife with a H like you (big IBer), I am guessing that she is actually standing between you and the things that will destroy your marriage. Doesn't sound so mean that way, does it?

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)