But you have to remove the LBs before you will really see progress. You can meet every EN on the list and if you're LBing, it's not gonna help much.

Is receiving gifts on your wife's EN important list? If not, you could buy her a billion dollar diamond ring and it's not gonna matter a lot. My wife isn't concerned with gifts or monetary things. She does like the occassional thoughtful gift but it doesn't do much for her if I buy her things. However, doing the dishes, folding clothes, playing with the kids makes her beam. Her two top ENs are family commitment and domestic services so this is where I concentrate my efforts the most.

You can be brutally honest without lecturing or coming off as impatient. Your wife has identified two of her LBs are your impatience and lecturing. Stop those. Honey, I could really use more affection. Ive really missed your touch the last couple of days. Then give her a hug and go on. However if you say, you know, its been two days since youve shown me affection. Were supposed to be working this program, and youre not meeting my needs. Wellthat aint helping the situation.

Going back to me, my wife has a high need for DS. During soccer season, I can have some late nights getting home and am just busy. So I might have a day or two in a row that I dont help a lot with cooking and cleaning. If my wife were to start outlining that I havent done this and that for X amount of days, I wouldnt like that. However, if she were to say, I really need help with the house; its dirty. I dont have time to get to the dishes, can you help? Sure, absolutely. I do make every effort to make sure Im meeting her needs on a daily basis. When you drop the LBs and get the ENs met on a consistent basis over time, then when you miss a day or two here and there its not quite as big of a deal.


Husband (me) 39
Wife 36
Daughter 21
Daughter 19
Son 14
Daughter 10
Son 8 (autistic)