Originally Posted by markos
Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
I just think the format of a forum for some reason isn't conducive to making me chill out and do better.

I agree sometimes it is not.

I hope to work on that, but for now I get feel insulted, bullied, and want to strike back.

Good grief, Hilltopper, when the doctor gives you a shot, do you hit him because it hurts?

Some of what you will hear here will be extremely unpleasant, but it will be the most important things in the world to hear if you want a good marriage. You had best learn how to listen to things you don't want to hear and throw out the responses that come so quickly to your mind and take more time mulling over what is being said to you.

I intend to try just that again and see if we can minimize the outside suggestions and perspectives.

Hill, you have a SERIOUS Disrespectful Judgment problem, and I doubt you are going to get much traction until you address it. It sounds like you've got a lot of energy to meet her emotional needs, but it sounds like you need some help developing some insight into what DJs you are committing and empathy into how that is making your wife feel.

I predict you'll be starting over, over and over again, until you get these DJs gone.

I can promise you, my friend, from my own personal experience, that you are massively UNDERESTIMATING the importance of this problem, and OVERESTIMATING the importance of your wife's apparent motivational problem. She is here. I promise you that if she is having motivational problems, we can help her with that, but I can also promise you that we cannot help her if you are not SERIOUSLY, DESPERATELY, INTENSELY motivated to fix this DJ problem. Can we trust that we will see you put all of the effort into that that you are expecting her to put into meeting your need for affection?

I hear you loud and clear. I can't explain the "why" I do this, I just know that I do it. I'm compelled to do it, it is wrong, but I continue to do so. I love my wife so much guys. I never stopped loving her at any point of this, but my actions and inability to control my emotions are hurting the healing process. I'm gonna do this. I know I might make mistakes, but my wife doesn't deserve this.

Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD