I will admit that I was a constant DJer and have been working on it for some time now, which is why I felt compelled to respond.

In my experience, I DJ more when I am feeling insecure, undervalued, and like I am not being cared for. I was famous for saying things like, "You don't love me, do you?" when what I really mean was, "I'd like some affection, conversation, and UA time, please." When I learned how to ask for it in a respectful way, I got more of it, and it was of higher quality.

A DJ is a short term fix with long term negative consequences. In the short term, it might force our spouse to say something that we want to hear (e.g., "You're ridiculous, of course I love you" or in your case, "Of course I am not mad at you, I love you") but it also depletes their love bank. In addition, it doesn't help us much, because we don't value things they do and say as a result of a DJ (or SD) as much as we do if they just said it or did it on their own.

Since your wife is on board with MB and working on things, I think you are going to feel more and more cared for and these negative feelings and worries will start to go away. But, this doesn't place the blame on your wife. It is harder for her to show you care and to meet your needs when you are DJing. It is your responsibility to create conditions that make her want to show you care. You mentioned doing that above, so I think you get that, which is super.

Stop looking for short term gains (that have a long term negative effect) and consider this a long game. Less DJs now will result in less depletion of her love bank and more care from her overall. This care is going to help you feel more secure and will result in less negative thoughts and feelings on your part in the future. When you are feeling like saying a DJ, ask yourself, is this potential short term gain worth eroding her love and our marriage? Then ask yourself, what is it I really want right now?

Fix this now to protect how you will both feel in the future.