Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
We are scheduling with Steve Harley today,

This is fantastic, Hill. I think it would be a great move to tell your wife that you will continue to see Steve as long as she feels like she needs you to.

It just all added up, no more sex, not much of an interest in me, not replying to my emails about marriage, not replying to texts, stats on 50% of all marriages having A's, comments to me about how I might really have something to worry about in the A department.

No, that doesn't add up to the total that you think it does.

It does not add up this way.

Prisca and I see a woman who is sincerely trying to meet your emotional needs and yet still keeps getting blown over every time you feel emotional. You felt emotional last night, so you woke her up. You needed reassurance, and you were willing to get it at her expense. Ouch.

I honestly feel that my priority in her life comes between her plants and shopping on the internet.

Instead of browbeating your wife for not having strong feelings for you, change the way that you are treating her, and then she will have strong feelings for you and you'll never doubt that you are first in her life.

For now I seek things that make me feel better about the possibility of an A, and my wife and I agreed that if I can't get past these images and thoughts in my head we're not gonna progress anywhere.

Start with trying to change what you do instead of changing what you think. Instead of trying to not worry about an affair, try to quit reacting to your emotions without thinking and asking for advice and forming a plan. I guarantee you did not have a plan when you woke grace up last night. You just felt something and reacted to it and set off a bomb in your relationship. Slow down. Calm down.

The following is not logical reasoning:
"Right now I am feeling insecure about our relationship and worried my wife is having an affair. Therefore I must wake her up now and we must talk about how important this is."

That's pure emotion right there. It's absolutely irrational, and it's also very selfish.

Mamas of littles need sleep. Badly.

If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.