Originally Posted by CWMI
What's unfair is telling your spouse that they shouldn't be disappointed that you lied about planning an anniversary weekend, and if they're going to insist on being disappointed, then you just won't do anything at all. Ever.

Yes, that's unfair, too.

Do two wrongs make a right?

You've probably heard some people here use the word "deflection." That's what happens when you come to your husband to tell him about something that bothers you, and instead of addressing the issue you raised, he starts talking about something else that bothers him. It's something people do for some reason that I guess makes them feel better, but it makes it impossible to solve problems.

Anyway, deflection is what you just did. People are trying to show you a very real problem, something you can change. And without looking very closely at the issues they are raising, you brought up the wrong things that he is doing, again. You could do some work here and eliminate some disrespectful judgments. You did agree that those judgments are a problem in marriage.

Your husband is certainly guilty of some pretty mean and nasty stuff.

Disrespect about him from you won't make the situation any better at all, though. It just hands him the perfect excuse not to ever fix anything.

You do believe in Marriage Builders? You want to do things the Marriage Builders way?

Are you open to having us call you on it when you are expressing disrespectful judgments about your husband here on this board?

If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.