Originally Posted by HoldHerHand
Originally Posted by DaisyTheCat2
OH I AM SOOOOOO LAME! I saw HoldHerHand so much on this thread, I thought it was his. My apolozies. Not sure if I can delete that post, but I will try. That's what happens when I can only get on here for a few minutes at a time each day and try to rush with my posts...do forgive me. I'll be more careful next time.

Daisy, my personal thread is in the recovery forum. Feel free to post any time.

I was just thinking about my own habit of stewing, Hill.

The problem isn't analyzing, or overanalyzing, its taking a path before analysis is complete, or faulty analysis guided by faulty logic.

You have the proper first step down; tell your wife what is going on. If you need time to think, tell her so. If your thoughts end up in bad places, stop, write it down, and move on. Come back later, and think about your analysis; is this logical, emotional, reactive, probable?

Eliminate conclusions based on positive criteria, and THEN share your conclusion with your wife. It seems your previous strategy was worst possible outcome oriented.

My analysis was typically both emotional and reactive, if not illogical. For example if my wife is grumpy when I get home I jump straight over any possible conclusion but that of, "my wife is mad at me for no reason, and the entire night is ruined!" This is emotional, reactive, and illogical. The proper conclusion is that of, "my wife had a bad day with kids and I need to empathize with her situation. Furthermore if I empathize with her situation and take steps to relieve that her stress, the night might not only be pleasant, but maybe even, really, really, fun."

Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD