Originally Posted by markos
Dr. Harley, is making an agreement and not keeping it a love buster?

I don't want to demand that my wife keep agreements or judge her for not keeping them. Nor do I want to get my way by making her feel guilty if she does not keep them. But I do feel resentment when they are not kept, and it seems that most of the time we are dealing with her resentment and I have to keep mine to myself. Is this issue addressed in a later lesson in the courses?

Originally Posted by Dr. Harley

The POJA provides an interesting solution to the problem of unfulfilled agreements: It encourages spouses to let each other off the hook when one spouse wants to bail at the last minute. "Never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement between you and your spouse" focuses on the doing, not the planning. The reason, of course, is that if you care about each other, you should not gain at your spouse's expense. At the time of the original agreement, it may have seemed as if both spouses would gain, but as the even draws closer one spouse may see a problem. When that happens, the agreement should be scrapped and a new agreement, with the problem acknowledged, should be negotiated.

The point of the POJA is that everything you do should benefit both of you. And if you can't think of a way for that to happen, you should do nothing until a solution is found.

Best wishes,
Willard F. Harley, Jr.

I hope you understand that you drinking wine last night when your wife objected was gaining at her expense. Further contributing to the bankruptcy in both of your love banks.

If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
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If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.