Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
Originally Posted by Penni4Thoughts
Hill, getting information from her would be good, but you can't force her to behave, you can only change what you do and then see if it has a positive impact on her.

From the way you describe things, it sounds to me like she does a better job of meeting your needs than you do of meeting hers, because you sound more in love/engaged. So, before you start making requests of her to make you happy, you have to make her want to do that for you by meeting her needs and avoiding LBs.

I'm not sure I understand this point, I'm more in love with her so I do less of a job of meeting her needs? She is less in love with me, but she meets mine better? Wouldn't it be the opposite?

I'm just saying that she seems to be spending a lot of time in withdrawal and you seem to be spending a lot of time in conflict. Conflict is closer to being in love than withdrawal. So, my point is that in order to get your needs met in the long run, your current focus should be doing things (meeting needs and avoiding LBs) that move her out of withdrawal. Once she falls in love, she will be more enthusiastic about meeting your needs.