Originally Posted by Prisca
Do you understand why she didn't like the IUD? It's important to understand her reasons. When you understand each other, it's easier to find solutions.

You've got to stop thinking of "nothing is up to me," or "this is up to her." It's up to BOTH of you. POJA doesn't allow one spouse to be in charge of the other. So, SF is not up to you. It's not up to her, either. It's up to both of you to find a way to make SF enjoyable for both of you.

Most things are not up to me because she just bulldozes me and I'm pretty easy going for the most part.
POJA, if followed, will protect you from being bulldozed over. It will also protect her.

She said with the IUD she has a hundred times greater chance of getting cancer and that she doesn't like to put things in her body. She said she had only been on BCP three months her entire life and it makes her act weird and crave strange foods. She said she didn't like the way a condom felt, but that she'd be willing to try it "one more time" so that is good. She said she would have had her tubes tied had she known I wasn't excited about getting vasectomy, fair enough I had been in the habit of agreeing to things that I'm not enthusiastic about for a long, long time. I asked her if there was no sex with no birth control was oral sex out of the question, she said that is was. I found this odd because this is all I got during her Previa during pregnancy and most of the months after pregnancy. She's provided some feedback, but most of them appear to be closed doors from my perspective, maybe her perspective is different.

Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD