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Hill ... All I can say is that I am really IMPRESSED by you and your wifes progress! Looking back over your thread .. you have come a long ways since you started here. I can feel by the context oif your posts that a good majority of the tensions you had previously and insecurities you had have diminished a great deal and that you and your wife are falling back in love like the way its meant to be! Not only that .. but your posting to others threads now ... thats HUGE! Infact i think you have posted to more threads other than your own than I have! (your thread kinda resonated with me from the start and i related to your situation very well .. and so it brought me courage to post on here again, hoping I could be of some help to you.

Keep up the great work, you and your wife and doing fantastic so far!

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Originally Posted by MrNiceGuy
Hill ... All I can say is that I am really IMPRESSED by you and your wifes progress! Looking back over your thread .. you have come a long ways since you started here. I can feel by the context oif your posts that a good majority of the tensions you had previously and insecurities you had have diminished a great deal and that you and your wife are falling back in love like the way its meant to be! Not only that .. but your posting to others threads now ... thats HUGE! Infact i think you have posted to more threads other than your own than I have! (your thread kinda resonated with me from the start and i related to your situation very well .. and so it brought me courage to post on here again, hoping I could be of some help to you.

Keep up the great work, you and your wife and doing fantastic so far!

Thanks for the complement, I give all the credit to Maca Root! JK. My wife actually said she may start taking it as well, so we'll see. We are having a great time getting to know each other again and it really has happened so fast to be honest. A lot of it has to do with truly knowing what my wife's ENs are, embracing them as important to her, and then making sure I meet them. The other part of it is being selfish with UA time. It just has to happened, no two ways about it. I like to post on other forums. The more I teach, the better I will become myself.


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Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
Thanks for the complement, I give all the credit to Maca Root! JK.

LOL ... good one! ... Maca root is great tho! Unfortunately I have ran out ... and currently my finances are not allowing me to get anymore frown its like 40$ for a months supply for one of us. As soon as my wife gets back to work (shes currently unemployed) I will be stocking up again!

Being able to give MB advice also helps us reflect on ourselves! I am currently trying to help my step sister and her BF with MB .. but I am struggling. They hop on the wagon for a while ... then drift off again. They have no kids .. and her BF works FT and she sits at home and does nothing while complaining they dont spend enough time together. He wants her to get a job .. but she doesnt want to work. THey hav only been togheter for 1.5 years and they already live together. She texts guys all day while he is away and says its becasue (again an excuse) that she needs the attention! I hit my head agasint the wall listening to it ... My suggestion .. over and over again ... is for her to get a job since they have no kids .. and he complains she doesnt clean the house or do anyhting all day while hes gone .. He loves her .. but if he leaves her she has no where to go. (prolly want to move into our home if that happens) shes a freeloader and i wana slap her for it sometimes becasue she has no ambition and is dirving the guy (who is a really good friend of mine) into major debt becasue she has a HUGE need to shop but doesnt want to contribute to the finances.

Sorry for the long post.. I just see things alot clearer now than i did before my wife and i had all our struggles. Now that we are somewhat struggle free and are in love again .. it sux to see so many ppl around us not following MB or taking our advice when they ask for it or with the MB filter over our eyes ... to see how broken alot of relationships really are around us.

GAh! ... At least you two are "getting it" and thats awesome. I wish more ppl around me that I knew .. would get it too .. we explain it .. we live it .. many are jealous of what I have with my family and wife now .. but dont want to do what it takes to have it. Its sad ... especially my inlaws and dad and step mom. Lately .. everyone has been demainding our attention and making fun of us for needing and "enthusiastic agreement" to do anyhting .. and they wonder why we dont communicate very much with them anymore.

Any how again .. sorry to rant about my family/friends on your thread. I wish I could help fix more ppl around me IRL.

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Originally Posted by MrNiceGuy
Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
Thanks for the complement, I give all the credit to Maca Root! JK.

LOL ... good one! ... Maca root is great tho! Unfortunately I have ran out ... and currently my finances are not allowing me to get anymore frown its like 40$ for a months supply for one of us. As soon as my wife gets back to work (shes currently unemployed) I will be stocking up again!

Being able to give MB advice also helps us reflect on ourselves! I am currently trying to help my step sister and her BF with MB .. but I am struggling. They hop on the wagon for a while ... then drift off again. They have no kids .. and her BF works FT and she sits at home and does nothing while complaining they dont spend enough time together. He wants her to get a job .. but she doesnt want to work. THey hav only been togheter for 1.5 years and they already live together. She texts guys all day while he is away and says its becasue (again an excuse) that she needs the attention! I hit my head agasint the wall listening to it ... My suggestion .. over and over again ... is for her to get a job since they have no kids .. and he complains she doesnt clean the house or do anyhting all day while hes gone .. He loves her .. but if he leaves her she has no where to go. (prolly want to move into our home if that happens) shes a freeloader and i wana slap her for it sometimes becasue she has no ambition and is dirving the guy (who is a really good friend of mine) into major debt becasue she has a HUGE need to shop but doesnt want to contribute to the finances.

Sorry for the long post.. I just see things alot clearer now than i did before my wife and i had all our struggles. Now that we are somewhat struggle free and are in love again .. it sux to see so many ppl around us not following MB or taking our advice when they ask for it or with the MB filter over our eyes ... to see how broken alot of relationships really are around us.

GAh! ... At least you two are "getting it" and thats awesome. I wish more ppl around me that I knew .. would get it too .. we explain it .. we live it .. many are jealous of what I have with my family and wife now .. but dont want to do what it takes to have it. Its sad ... especially my inlaws and dad and step mom. Lately .. everyone has been demainding our attention and making fun of us for needing and "enthusiastic agreement" to do anyhting .. and they wonder why we dont communicate very much with them anymore.

Any how again .. sorry to rant about my family/friends on your thread. I wish I could help fix more ppl around me IRL.

You can lead a horse to water...................................

By the way I picked up Maca Root for $12.99 for a month's supply at Fresh & Easy. I read some hype about pure, not pure, blah, blah, blah. I feel great, that is all there is to it. Sorry to hear about the job situation, than can be stressful man.


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Yeah ... exactly. I kinda stopped giving advice since they dont listen .. and most of my family is now in the /ignore list becasue they dont understand the importance of UA time ... etc .. So like you .. we have to be selfish about our time aswell.

12.99 .. wow ... im getting ripped off. I get mine from the health food store Alive. I gotta find another source.

As for the job situation. Well .. my job does well paying our expenses, just not alot left over for extra things. Thats ok though because my wife is happier than ever and able to spend more time with the kids and be more focused on UA time etc ... her job was VERY VERY VERY stressful .. and the loss of her job was a blessing in disguise. Sure it sux to be lacking the money ... but i think it pays for itself in the lack of stress. Shes going to start actively looking for work again come september when the kids go back to school.

EDIT spelling

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I'll vouch that "not pure" can, depending on the brand mean "has a boatload of fiber which impedes SF". Just thought I'd echo the idea to use a reputable brand. My stomach hated the brand I bought.


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Originally Posted by fullthrottle
I'll vouch that "not pure" can, depending on the brand mean "has a boatload of fiber which impedes SF". Just thought I'd echo the idea to use a reputable brand. My stomach hated the brand I bought.

Ok I'll take that into consideration, thank you.


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Originally Posted by MrNiceGuy
Yeah ... exactly. I kinda stopped giving advice since they dont listen .. and most of my family is now in the /ignore list becasue they dont understand the importance of UA time ... etc .. So like you .. we have to be selfish about our time aswell.

12.99 .. wow ... im getting ripped off. I get mine from the health food store Alive. I gotta find another source.

As for the job situation. Well .. my job does well paying our expenses, just not alot left over for extra things. Thats ok though because my wife is happier than ever and able to spend more time with the kids and be more focused on UA time etc ... her job was VERY VERY VERY stressful .. and the loss of her job was a blessing in disguise. Sure it sux to be lacking the money ... but i think it pays for itself in the lack of stress. Shes going to start actively looking for work again come september when the kids go back to school.

EDIT spelling

You and your wife are happy? You have a fulfilling marriage? That is all that matters man. Fulfilling marriage is good for your kids. What a lucky guy, forget the rest of it. smile


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Gosh things derail so fast. My wife and I had an argument tonight. We did not reconcile it at all. It involves birth control so it is touchy. Let's just say neither of us are excited about our options. We've both agreed to get a consult about it. She feels like it is all on her to get something done, and I feel the same. POJA did not happen to be honest, but we are working on it. There were no thoughtful requests tonight, just demands on both our parts. If you do this, then I'll do that, etc. Recipe for disaster. It was.

One thing to remember for you newbies or just anyone, when you make demands it typically makes the other spouse do the opposite. Let that be a lesson to you, even if it was Bill and Joyce Harley, you make demands, you'll NEVER come out ahead. The opposite will always happen. Your spouse will feel hurt and instead of feeling like negotiating, they'll run the other way.

I was advising someone today that just one LB can ruin a night. This is why you have to avoid them at all costs. Don't LB your spouse, ok?


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Hill, how important is it? Why not pick up a box of condoms and call it a night?


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Fwiw my ex got a vasectomy *after* I filed for divorce. So I guess he can reap all the benefits now, that's cool. I guess that's what State of Conflict does to folks.


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I believe that I would table all discussion of BC until you see a doctor. Your wife is pretty entrenched into her thinking, and whomever she's gotten her information about current BC isn't doing y'all any favors.

I thought this consult was already set with her OB/GYN? It should be an easy appointment, no exam, and should get scheduled right away.

Maybe, just maybe, put off SF until you get the consult.


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I agree on the tabling the conversation until you speak with a doctor. In the meantime, grab some condoms and spermicide. Yeah, they suck, but it's better than going without.

And next time you have a conversation in which you feel yourself getting mad and you realize that she is prob going to say some things to upset you, stop the conversation before it gets to that heated point and ask to discuss it later.


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Originally Posted by kilted_thrower
I agree on the tabling the conversation until you speak with a doctor. In the meantime, grab some condoms and spermicide. Yeah, they suck, but it's better than going without.

And next time you have a conversation in which you feel yourself getting mad and you realize that she is prob going to say some things to upset you, stop the conversation before it gets to that heated point and ask to discuss it later.

Woulda, coulda, shoulda...........


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Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
Originally Posted by kilted_thrower
I agree on the tabling the conversation until you speak with a doctor. In the meantime, grab some condoms and spermicide. Yeah, they suck, but it's better than going without.

And next time you have a conversation in which you feel yourself getting mad and you realize that she is prob going to say some things to upset you, stop the conversation before it gets to that heated point and ask to discuss it later.

Woulda, coulda, shoulda...........

twoxfour

Take a proactive step.

WTF. This response... Hill.

Will, can. No should.

Will, can.

Now, tomorrow (in converse to the smarmy woulda, coulda - which focuses on what has passed).

Proactive step. Now.



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Originally Posted by HoldHerHand
Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
Originally Posted by kilted_thrower
I agree on the tabling the conversation until you speak with a doctor. In the meantime, grab some condoms and spermicide. Yeah, they suck, but it's better than going without.

And next time you have a conversation in which you feel yourself getting mad and you realize that she is prob going to say some things to upset you, stop the conversation before it gets to that heated point and ask to discuss it later.

Woulda, coulda, shoulda...........

twoxfour

Take a proactive step.

WTF. This response... Hill.

Will, can. No should.

Will, can.

Now, tomorrow (in converse to the smarmy woulda, coulda - which focuses on what has passed).

Proactive step. Now.

I am. What I meant by that comment is that I wished I had handled things better last night, thus the "woulda, coulda, shoulda" comment. I apologized first thing, 7am sharp. We are going to her folks for breakfast so that will be a nice little fun distraction for us both as we regroup. Just give us a couple hours and we'll be fine.

The night was great actually but I had noticed she didn't take her customary seat next to me on the couch, she instead sat in the recliner like the old days. We went outside for a bit and she let me have it. I didn't see it coming and was a bit off guard. Next time she sits away from me I'll likely know something is on her mind and I'll just ask her.



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Hey Hill .. just topping your thread to ask how you been doing? Hows your wife doing? How was your week? Hows your kids doing through all this? Is the baby sleeping better at night yet? I see you been posting to several other threads and thats great becasue from what I have read of your posts to others .. has been very good! You are giving great advice to people!

MNG

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Originally Posted by MrNiceGuy
Hey Hill .. just topping your thread to ask how you been doing? Hows your wife doing? How was your week? Hows your kids doing through all this? Is the baby sleeping better at night yet? I see you been posting to several other threads and thats great becasue from what I have read of your posts to others .. has been very good! You are giving great advice to people!

MNG

Wife and I are doing quite well and getting better each day. Baby is falling asleep in her crib and sleeping the entire night and this has changed things dramatically for us of late. Most of the time we are free and clear of all kids from about 730-800 pm each night. We spend that time together and have been having lots of fun, affection, conversation, and SF. This weekend is a camping trip with friends and family. I'm concerned about spending UA time together so I'm do what I can to fit in some walks or other activities with my wife.


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Friends and family?

Guess the kids are safe while you and W go hike!


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"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

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Originally Posted by HoldHerHand
Friends and family?

Guess the kids are safe while you and W go hike!

Yes we should have some great options.


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