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But the family demanding an apology which everyone here thinks he should give... is NOT Dr. Harley's advice, nor is it NG's! (And just for giggles, I'll offer that this would most likely divide along gender lines.)
Once in a while the "group-think" starts its own momentum. I believe this is one of those times.
But let's not do this in a vacuum. Your family has butted themselves into your situation with their "demands". How exactly well has THAT worked out for you?
Most men are infinitely more susceptible to enticement than extortion. How do you think WH is viewing the "clan's" involvement in YOUR MARITAL SITUATION right now?
But like I said, it's your life...Keep abdicating your responsibility to maintain barriers to entry to those who have no business within, and watch how quickly WH's absence becomes permanent.
You have received the advice to that end of a wise and considered counselor...and Dr. Harley as well!
(I fully expect hammers for this post, so I'll not be back!)
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I wish everyone would listen to what Dr. Harely has said to you.
Here are your clips so others can listen too.
] Brainhurts, most of us have listened to those clips. I listened before I ever posted to KISS. Those clips address RQ's demand that he apologize to her parents. And she is following that advice to the letter as far as I can see! That doesn't mean I won't or can't address his nasty behavior towards her parents. I pledge to continue doing that.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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[
But the family demanding an apology which everyone here thinks he should give... is NOT Dr. Harley's advice, nor is it NG's! (And just for giggles, I'll offer that this would most likely divide along gender lines.) Lets get the facts straight, shall we? Dr Harley did not tell the rest of the world they could not bust his [censored] about his miserable treatment of her parents. Dr Harley told *HER* - RocketQueen - to not demand such a thing. Which she is doing. That does not mean I will stop calling him out for his trashy treatment of her family. Especially after what he has done to RQ and to the family. That is not going to go unmentioned by me, no matter how foggy the little lamb is. But like I said, it's your life...Keep abdicating your responsibility to maintain barriers to entry to those who have no business within, and watch how quickly WH's absence becomes permanent. If he runs because he is asked to face the consequences of the rightful anger of others, that doesn't say much about his sincerity, does it now? That can't be blamed on others.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I wish everyone would listen to what Dr. Harely has said to you.
Here are your clips so others can listen too.
] Brainhurts, most of us have listened to those clips. I listened before I ever posted to KISS. Those clips address RQ's demand that he apologize to her parents. And she is following that advice to the letter as far as I can see! That doesn't mean I won't or can't address his nasty behavior towards her parents. I pledge to continue doing that. Totally agree. I was implying to her family since they were on both threads.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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[
Totally agree. I was implying to her family since they were on both threads. I gotcha! I am hopeful that he won't have to be ASKED to make this right. He needs to volunteer. We will see what he is made of if he comes back.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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ML, I'm not sure he'll be back..... He reminds me so much of myself during our FALSE RECOVERY! I was willing to do whatever it took to keep the focus off myself and the blame shifting around to everyone else..... It kept SMB so off balance that I never had to do any of the hard work and she just kept right on accepting responsibility for everything... I was in heaven as a cake eating wayward POS...... I'm so ashamed of the man I was then! I just wish Kiss didn't remind me of him so much! I so wish RQ could go back in time and stay in Plan B just a bit longer..... 
Last edited by HerPapaBear; 05/14/12 09:35 PM. Reason: added a line
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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I told kiss that he needs to come here to see what people have to say to him and to post. He said that he is "frustrated" and that it is "too much to deal with" 
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I told kiss that he needs to come here to see what people have to say to him and to post. He said that he is "frustrated" and that it is "too much to deal with" Dang him. I guess all our suspicions have been correct thus far. So hoping he wouldn't let you down RQ. Sorry.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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ML, I'm not sure he'll be back..... He reminds me so much of myself during our FALSE RECOVERY! I was willing to do whatever it took to keep the focus off myself and the blame shifting around to everyone else..... It kept SMB so off balance that I never had to do any of the hard work and she just kept right on accepting responsibility for everything... I was in heaven as a cake eating wayward POS...... I'm so ashamed of the man I was then! I just wish Kiss didn't remind me of him so much! I so wish RQ could go back in time and stay in Plan B just a bit longer..... So agree!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I told kiss that he needs to come here to see what people have to say to him and to post. He said that he is "frustrated" and that it is "too much to deal with"  does he want a hankie? 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Just had a discussion with WH about why I wasn't happy. His attitude makes me want to vomit. I especially wan't happy to find out that he "disappeared" last night to his condo without me knowing.
I'm Ok
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Just had a discussion with WH about why I wasn't happy. His attitude makes me want to vomit. I especially wan't happy to find out that he "disappeared" last night to his condo without me knowing.
I'm Ok I guess the fog keeps getting thicker and thicker. What was his excuse for "disappearing"?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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He was pissed that I asked pantsonfire and sublimination to listen to the radio clips. Of course, I didn't know that until an hour ago. Transparency went right out the window.
I don't know how I'll be able to sleep tonight.
ugh
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He was pissed that I asked pantsonfire and sublimination to listen to the radio clips. Of course, I didn't know that until an hour ago. Transparency went right out the window.
I don't know how I'll be able to sleep tonight.
ugh Can you take a long hot bath and take some sleep aide? Dang him. Did your family listen to the clips?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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[
Totally agree. I was implying to her family since they were on both threads. I gotcha! I am hopeful that he won't have to be ASKED to make this right. He needs to volunteer. We will see what he is made of if he comes back. I hear you my friend. Hopefully kiss will hear you also.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I told kiss that he needs to come here to see what people have to say to him and to post. He said that he is "frustrated" and that it is "too much to deal with" Forums? Puh. That's a pittance for a man who is still living separately from his wife. You could cool off about the forums... and set the bar thusly; Online program, home study, or phone coaching... or Plan FU----> Plan B-----> Plan D.
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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I told kiss that he needs to come here to see what people have to say to him and to post. He said that he is "frustrated" and that it is "too much to deal with" Forums? Puh. That's a pittance for a man who is still living separately from his wife. You could cool off about the forums... and set the bar thusly; Online program, home study, or phone coaching... or Plan FU----> Plan B-----> Plan D. They are phone coaching with Steve and kiss is the one who set it up. 
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Blah!
I'm only tracking like 5 people right now and can't keep it straight!
Rocket,
I'm sure it's a shock going from SH to the forums for your H. Honestly, if he is phone coaching with Steve and continues to do so, no need for him to come back here. SH will sell him on this better than any single person here could, making him worth every dime.
Calm, breathe... follow your plan from Steve.
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Blah!
I'm only tracking like 5 people right now and can't keep it straight!
Rocket,
I'm sure it's a shock going from SH to the forums for your H. Honestly, if he is phone coaching with Steve and continues to do so, no need for him to come back here. SH will sell him on this better than any single person here could, making him worth every dime.
Calm, breathe... follow your plan from Steve. 
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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HHH- he started here on the forums. He has only coached with SH one time and we haven't scheduled another appt yet.
At this time, I decided it's better to hold off on him moving in until he is serious about our recovery. He needs to think more of how things have affected me and are still affecting me and the kids and less about how HE feels about things.
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