|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Just had a discussion with WH about why I wasn't happy. His attitude makes me want to vomit. I especially wan't happy to find out that he "disappeared" last night to his condo without me knowing.
I'm Ok I hate to tell you this, but just the fact that he is running from your family and this forum is a big red flag that he is not serious. He was only serious enough to throw you enough crumbs to get you out of Plan B. Like tst noted, he is behaving exactly like he did when he was faking it. The reason he dislikes the forums is because we have good bullsh** detectors and he doesn't like that. If he were serious, he would have nothing to run FROM. I would keep a very close eye on this one.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066 |
Melody, I agree with you. I felt that he told me what I wanted to hear to get me to open the door for him. Now I am hearing that he is NOT willing to do whatever it takes.
He hasn't really shown that he is serious yet. All talk, very little walk.
I am upset with myself that I didn't keep that bar high like I had told myself to and allowed myself to get weak and needy. I had let him steam roll me and throw my requirements on the back burner. I won't let it happen again!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Let me put it this way, a WS who is serious will stay and ardently try to PROVE it. A WS is not serious will run because he can't prove it. There are too many bullshi**ers here for him to be able to pull a fast one.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5 |
Let me put it this way, a WS who is serious will stay and ardently try to PROVE it. A WS is not serious will run because he can't prove it. There are too many bullshi**ers here for him to be able to pull a fast one. So back to a dark Plan B until he can meet your requirements?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 3,146
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 3,146 |
SH will sell him on this better than any single person here could, making him worth every dime. Personally, once a BS is in plan B, they shouldn't need to sell their WS on any program..... They shouldn't need Steve or anyone else to "sell" anything to them either. The WS should NEVER be in a position to negotiate their return. They either agree to the requirements that are spelled out in the PlanB letter and/or the requirements spelled out prior to coming out of PlanB..... There is no sell job necessary! They either agree to it or the BS remains in PlanB. As in this case, when a WS agrees to the requirements, he either follows through or the BS re-enters PlanB again..... Kiss is clearly reneging on his requirements! A WS doesn't "deserve" a second chance. They "deserve" a divorce. The grace of the BS allows for a second chance (if they so choose)!
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066 |
Plan B was very, very difficult for me and the kids and I would loathe to have to return to it.
I do think I need to seriously consider if I am still willing to work on this marriage when he is not. No matter what I do, I still have to carry the scar of his affair on my heart everyday for the rest of my life....
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 3,146
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 3,146 |
Kiss reminds me of myself while I was in the beginning of our False Recovery......
It all began when N/C wasn't being honored by me.....
I question whether Kiss is still N/C.....
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,529
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,529 |
A large part of the problem here is that there never was a plan B. Hence the false recovery, I'm sad to say.
Plan B IS hard, RQ, but can't you see how much harder THIS is??? Death of a thousands knives...
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066 |
tst - please don't say that!
SunnyD- I know. I would plan D before I did Plan B again, though. I can only give someone so many chances.
Last edited by Rocketqueen; 05/15/12 02:06 PM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 3,146
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 3,146 |
{{{{{{{{{{{RQ}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123 Likes: 1 |
RQ, it might not be what you want to hear, but the fact that you took the step to open the door for him to come home, and he has excuses not to is very fishy.
HE is the one who screwed up, he should be chomping at the bit for a chance for redemption and reconcilliation.
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066 |
Thanks HHH. You would think so, huh?
I feel totally broken hearted right now. Kiss took his clothes that were here and left tonight. I felt it was the right thing to do right now until it we seem a little more stable.
Can I scream and cry that life is not fair??! Why must I continue to be in pain and hurt for something that was not my own doing?? My family is upset with me, my WH finds me unworthy and I am just so lost.
When will my life ever be "normal" again? I hate this hurt..
Last edited by Rocketqueen; 05/15/12 09:39 PM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,529
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,529 |
Thanks HHH. You would think so, huh?
I feel totally broken hearted right now. Kiss took his clothes that were here and left tonight. I felt it was the right thing to do right now until it we seem a little more stable.
Can I scream and cry that life is not fair??! Why must I continue to be in pain and hurt for something that was not my own doing?? My family is upset with me, my WH finds me unworthy and I am just so lost.
When will my life ever be "normal" again? I hate this hurt.. I'm so sorry, RQ. As hard as you believe Plan B was - just remember - it was that hard because you weren't really IN it. Plan B, done correctly, will bring you relief. Doesn't mean it won't hurt, but it's much better than THIS. (((((ROCKET)))))
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066 |
It has been exactly 6 months since d-day#1.
Seems like yesterday...
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5 |
It has been exactly 6 months since d-day#1.
Seems like yesterday... Read these by sexymamabear. Your stories are similar. Sexymamabear's Thread Sexymamabear's Threads SMB's Thread
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066 |
Thanks for the links, BH. I had read one of her threads awhile ago and have been wanting to re-read it. I don't think I realized there was more than one though! Hopefully it will quiet down here at work so I can read them 
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066 |
*deleted
Last edited by Rocketqueen; 05/17/12 11:08 AM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066 |
Herpapabear - would you mind sharing about the fall of '07, during the FR?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5 |
Herpapabear - would you mind sharing about the fall of '07, during the FR? Have you read his thread?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5 |
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
1 members (TALKINGNONSENSE),
368
guests, and
63
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,623
Posts2,323,495
Members71,970
| |
Most Online3,224
5 hours ago
|
|
|
|
