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That's what's so interesting about that clip. Dr. H States that the other person must ask for forgiveness.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Very helpful clip, BH, thank you!! It helped me a lot. I also understand the difference between forgiveness and "letting go and moving on". I think I can do the latter with skank. As for Kiss, I can stop beating myself up for not forgiving him when it hasn't been asked for.
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That was an interesting clip BH.
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That was an interesting clip BH. What did you think?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Honestly, I hope he doesn't ask yet. He still has a way to go in making amends and has yet to speak to my family. Even though numerous people have advised him to do so.
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That was an interesting clip BH. What did you think? I totally agree with the Harley's. The difference bw forgiveness and 'letting go.' I will hopefully be able to forgive my H once he has given me JC, and I feel a bit of safety again. I will never FORGIVE the nasty OW's that trashed my life and walked away. But hopefully I will be able to let go of the resentment and vengeance, I guess. So convincing. That all just seems so far away yet.
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I will hopefully be able to forgive my H once he has given me JC, and I feel a bit of safety again. That all just seems so far away yet. Exactly. Going to dinner tonight for my dad's birthday. I'm sad that kiss will not be able to join us as he has still not patched that issue. My father would be quite upset to seem my WH there. Oh well, nothing I can do about that
Last edited by Rocketqueen; 07/10/12 09:10 AM. Reason: fixed quote box
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Been having a funky day today. Feeling hypersensitive about thingsaid, done, not done, etc. After my IC thi afternoon, I realized things were triggering me and I wasn't aware they were triggers. But I did complain to kiss about what was bothered me (finances and such) and I am glad I did. In the past, I would be it inside and be bitter and po'd about it. Now we are in a place where we can ha e a productive conversation about it.
Headed to nyc soon to see kiss's idol, ace, and get in some good UA time
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I apologize for the typos, using my Droid and it won't let me fix them 
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Yeah 2 years. That sucks. Sometimes I wish I had a sound proof rubber room so that when the thoughts/visions invade my mind, I can put myself in there and pound the walls and scream my broken heart out.
I don't know if I can 2 years of that. But what choice do we have?
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Yeah 2 years. That sucks. Sometimes I wish I had a sound proof rubber room so that when the thoughts/visions invade my mind, I can put myself in there and pound the walls and scream my broken heart out.
I don't know if I can 2 years of that. But what choice do we have? I understand completely. It's important to keep the long term goal in mind. Sometimes I try and envision the future when the past enters my mind. I'll think of H walking DD down the aisle, for instance, or at one of the kid's college graduations... anything that reminds me of why and how the hard work is going to pay off even bigger and better in the future. This recovery business isn't just for us: it's for our kids, grandkids, and on down the line too! It really is crucial that you keep your mind as busy as possible during down moments. Of course, sometimes those moments serve a purpose: to motivate us to keep to a high standard for our recovery!
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Thanks SunnyD, I will try that!
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I need some input on this. I just saw that kiss spoke to someone from his former workplace (where skank works) yesterday for 10 minutes. Now he did not tell me about this. It could have been anybody and there be a completely legitimate reason (he still works for the company) and still has many friends there. He could have spoken to skank.
How would you other recovering BS's handle this? Any former waywards feel that I shouldn't read too much into this?
I am not angry about it, but this shows a breach in transparency. I shouldn't have to find out from other resources.
I have not asked him about it as I know that I have trouble believing anything he says anyway. It's actions I feel secure in.
What say you?
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Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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It may be just a trigger. Seeing that number come up.
Last edited by Rocketqueen; 07/13/12 11:19 AM.
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You should ask him about it immediately. Normally you don't bring up triggers specifically, but in the case of possible contact, it needs to be addressed.
You don't need to accuse him - you just need to state that you need to feel secure in this relationship, so you would like to know who he spoke with. And of course, O&H is extremely important, so he needs to give you an honest answer.
I don't think you should read too much into it, but at the same time, he needs to be clear on the fact that any time he speaks to someone from that #, he needs to tell you. I would even go so far as to say that he not take calls from that # and should block it. Friends or associates can use their cellphones to call him if needed.
There needs to be NO open doors or windows for contact!
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Sorry for the t/j.
RQ did you see movingonward's response about the IM to you?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Sunny- thanks. I'll speak to him about it. It's one of those things where I feel I shouldn't have to be specific about it and he should know it was wrong but he is not gonna think it was wrong because I wasn't specific. KWIM?  Brain- I was just about to mosey over there. Thanks
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