Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
You are right and it won't work if we watch tv or do something that doesn't meet the 4 most important emotional needs. I got my wife to agree to go to gym for a couple of spin classes during the week. We can stretch those sessions out to 2 hours if we stretch and do some other workouts. At night time I need to change the habits of tv watching and replace it in part with something that engages my wife. This will be no easy task I assure you.

HT, you clearly need a different approach. You are doing a little fiddling around the edges when it will take ripping the weed up by the roots and making a major change. You and your wife are in the habit of neglecting your marriage and you will have no results until you make radical changes. Half measures have availed you nothing in the past and they will avail you nothing in the future.

What is will take is selling your wife on the notion of sitting down with you once a week and scheduling out 20+ hours of REAL UA time. I don't mean counting couch potato time or passing in the hallway on your way to work. But actually hiring babysitters 4 times a week, dressing up and going out.

That is what will make a difference. And you are not able to sell her on that, so my suggestion is that you employ Steve Harley to do this.

Stretching your sessions out to 2 hours ain't going to make any damn difference.

You're right this is a big waste of time. I walked through the door and my wife was out the door to the gym so fast I think I barely even saw her. I'm unhappy because I don't have a great marriage and I'm annoyed that I'm the only one here trying to do something about it, and I'm annoyed that I've been at this a year and a 1/2 and my wife still isn't into me. I really think you are underestimating the level of resentment from my wife if I contact Steve without her blessing however so I won't do that yet. What I am gonna do is handle the babysitting arrangements from here on out. There might be a slight irritation that I make babysitter arrangements without her knowing, but I'll make it like a surprise. Whatever irritation she might have will quickly be erased by being away from the children and spending time with me.

Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD