That is the thing, he should know the rules here. He should understand the EP's and why they are, even if they aren't spelled out. I don't feel that it is intentional, but that means to me that he is not being intentional in protecting our marriage.

I don't see myself ever feeling safe with him. Obviously he has learned nothing here and still doesn' understand why he needs to do.

RQ,

I am stuggling with some of my own husband's recent independent behavior. In conversation this morning, I said that acting out of ignorance of MB is regretful. But, after having an MB education, continuing to act independently shows the lack of care and concern for the spouse. Your husband knows exactly what he is doing, that he is hurting you and he continues to do it.

AM

I agree with everyone else here - at this point he is showing BLATANT disrespect towards you. There should be absolutely ZERO reason for friendly texts between him and any female that is not related to him at this point!

You say he should know the boundaries even if they aren't spelled out. Were they not spelled out to him MONTHS ago? Come on - he has been around long enough to know he can't be conversing with other women! I didn't even have to tell my H that - he told me. Came home from work and said it was hard to not be the friendly guy that always talked to people and asked how they're doing and such, but he was keeping it strictly business with women.

I wouldn't feel safe with him either.

Because....there are no consequences other than you being irritated at him.

RQ,

Wasn't texting an OS co-worker, other than work related issue, an EP?

So he broke an EP AGAIN. So what was your condition if he broke an EP?

Do you really want to trust your future to someone who is this "careless"?

Hey RQ, how are you doing? I know the silence from kiss on his thread is deafening after he downplayed his recent IB and EP breaking. He just refuses to care for you. That must be heartbreaking, I'm so sorry. Are you okay. Are you able to self-love through this? Please know we're still here for you.

Hi Jennifer, thanks for checking in on me. I'm OK. I am broken-hearted. I thought that our marriage could be better than before but I am learning that that may not be possible. Its a hard pill to swallow. This is not what I thought my life would be like.

They always said Recovery would be hard. It's been so hard that I wonder if I did the right thing in reconciling and trying to move on. Maybe we were both better off with the way things were and I shouldn't have messed with it.

But You're right. Time to get my mind to a better place and be able to be truly happy someday.

You would not be better off if you hadn't questioned/messed with it. You deserve better than that.

Has he made any explanation or efforts to you but not the board? As the others have said, the silence on his thread IS deafening...

My counselor always asksy to focus on what the next right thing is...do what is your next move? From your signature, you have kids from a previous relationship, right? For me focusing on how I'd been a successful, thriving single mom helped me find the strength to do it again. And amazingly my life is MUCH easier now that my WH is not in it...I don't hand to rely on an unreliable person, I'm not constantly faced with his lack of care, and I've got a lot more perspective on our history together. I'm careful not to re-wrote, but just look back through a less co-dependent/rescuing/excusing lens.

RQ, how are you?

I would like to know as well. We know things have been very hard because of his recent behavior.

RQ,

I have been catching up on your thread and it breaks my heart that kiss just does not get it. SunnyD mentioned something about her H not being able to be the friendly guy at work. I feel the same way. I used to be the social butterfly and talk to everyone. I used to plan happy hours and parties...not anymore. This isn't even something that Mr. XVY asked me to do, this is something I know I have to do to protect my husband and marriage.

I wish you the best and am praying for you. Recovery is hard but it should not be this painful. You have already been through enough pain. If kiss is not willing to give you his all, then I would not except anything.

Stay strong!!!!

Recovery really is an all or nothing proposition, isn't it?! You either commit to the whole plan or your chances are worse than slim to none.

To all:
Despite my best efforts at getting Kiss to understand what it takes to make a good marriage work, he is still unwilling to make our marriage a safe one for me. I appreciate everyone trying to help make him realize that our family must be a priority, and that protecting our marriage at all costs is what is needed to offer up just compensation for his indiscretions. He's just not getting it. It looks like he never will. I expected to spend my life with him but I cannot live in a marriage where I feel vulnerable, all the time; in one that offers me no peace of mind or assurance that he is a faithful, loving husband. Therefore, I have taken steps to end the marriage. I am very sad, but I am OK. I know that wasn't the perfect wife, but I have changed in the areas I need to and cleaned up my side of the street.I have faith that the kids and I will have a great life!

~RQ

I feel so badly for you, because it was clear to everyone how badly you wanted to give him this second chance. He would go about his merry way and not understand why you were so upset.

Buy the KISS pins? No prob. Hey wait why are you upset?

Text another woman in a friendly manner? Great! ...wait, why are you so upset?!

He doesn't want to change.

Will you be moving this over to the divorce board, or will you not post here about your situation in case he may be reading?

Karma, thank you. I will not be posting. Just wanted to give an update and thanks to all who have helped me tremendously.

~RQ

I second this. It's sad to me when a wayward is afforded such grace and opportunity but turns it down by insisting on doing things the same old way (which is what led to the bad state of the marriage to begin with).

RQ, you WILL be OK!

Thanks for the update. {{{{RQ}}}}

Best of luck to you, RQ, you've shown grace and patience and you and your children will thrive through this as well. Peace to you...