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Originally Posted by markos
This woman's behavior is really bizarre. I am thinking either she is interested in your husband or she is trying to set him up for something.

And I agree, you don't ask other women's husbands for favors!
I was thinking the same exact thing.

A woman who will only talk to a man and not ask the women.... hmmmm????


FWW/BW (me)
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Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Maybe she feels safer leaving her daughter with one of the dads who stands on the corner with the kids. He's not in a bathrobe in the car. Maybe she figures that a man would be in a better position to protect her little one from a predator than a woman could...I'm not suggesting she's doing the right thing by leaving her child but her reasoning may not be at all that she's after a man, after all she doesn't stay and chat him up; she leaves right?

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That's one way to look at it, lookin. I'm not in a bathrobe, btw, just not dressed to the shoes. PJ pants and a tank top, typically. She sits in her own car when I'm up there, so obviously she doesn't have a problem with that.

At the beginning of the school year when she approached my husband, there was another couple who walked to the stop; they lived right across the street. Usually the mom would be there, but sometimes the dad and sometimes the whole family came. On this day, it was the dad. My H was talking to the dad when this woman approached them both, and then asked my husband specifically. Why didn't she ask one of the moms? Why didn't she ask the other man? Why, out of all the people who come up there, did she ask my husband specifically?

That's what I'm annoyed at. There are were, at that time, 5 other parents who came up there. Why him?

Last edited by CWMI; 10/14/12 10:25 AM.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
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Is that the only time this woman approached your husband? If it was; he was standing and talking with another man and it's possible she thought it wouldn't be so inapproriate since he wasn't alone?

You did say that she drops her child off and waves when your husband is present, then she drives off...no chit chat...

Is it possible that she picked your husband specifically because he "appeared" trustworthy? Also he is standing right there at the corner and not in a vehicle, which would make her feel more secure about her little one. She keeps her in the car with her otherwise if read correctly...I wasn't attempting to insult with the bathrobe comment btw.

Maybe you can walk up to her car next time and say "howdy, I'm H's wife; my husband mentioned your predicament with trying to get to work on time and if you like I could keep an eye on your lil precious" just a thought...I'm envious of y'alls poja skills btw.

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looking4thehandle, I think it is easier for women to see through other women and these posts demonstrate that perfectly. While you ascribe innocent motives to this woman, most other women can see right through them. This woman zeroed in on her husband while there were many other people to ask. Women KNOW it is not appropriate to ask another woman's husband for help like that. We know the score.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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ML,I didn't think I ascribed anything.That's why my 2 posts have 4 question marks in them...if I had been the man standing next to CWMI's husband and witnessed the interaction in person I can gar-un-tee I would have been able to pick up on any untoward vibes...batting the eyes, twirling the hair, sashaying and a plethora of subtle body language. It's that stuff you don't even know exists that gets ya...

Anyway I think CWMI and her husband worked it out great!

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Originally Posted by lookin4thehandle
ML,I didn't think I ascribed anything.That's why my 2 posts have 4 question marks in them...if I had been the man standing next to CWMI's husband and witnessed the interaction in person I can gar-un-tee I would have been able to pick up on any untoward vibes...batting the eyes, twirling the hair, sashaying and a plethora of subtle body language. It's that stuff you don't even know exists that gets ya...

But men don't understand that most women are much more savvy than that. If a woman were going after a married man, I wouldn't expect her to use any of those obvious tactics. She would be more strategic at setting the stage.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Most of the wayward husbands over on SAA talk about how "needy" the OW is and how much she needs him. Most women with an IQ over 59 know that the way to lure a married man would be to ask them for help. Men will usually fall for that because they are wired to help women. Flirting and other obvious signals would only be effective with a MM who was openly available.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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[/quote]
But men don't understand that most women are much more savvy than that. If a woman were going after a married man, I wouldn't expect her to use any of those obvious tactics. She would be more strategic at setting the stage. [/quote]

Ya know ML, I agree with this 100% But I would think that the theory of a "savvy and strategic" women going after a man seems to go against the concept that these affairs just kind of happen. That it starts out perfectly innocent and the next thing you know both parties are caught completely off guard...

Anyway, I'll stop hijacking CWMI's thread and defer to the vets...

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Originally Posted by lookin4thehandle
Ya know ML, I agree with this 100% But I would think that the theory of a "savvy and strategic" women going after a man seems to go against the concept that these affairs just kind of happen. That it starts out perfectly innocent and the next thing you know both parties are caught completely off guard...

Affairs kind of happen to many spouses. This single woman is not married. The theory you describe does happen in some cases. No one ever said it applied to all. Some people go looking for it.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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There is no way in hell at this point that I would even offer to spit on her if she was on fire, lookin!

H's boundaries need to be shored up, for certain. He used to think it was just being polite to compliment women, I was like NO, that's flirting! As far as I've seen, that's stopped. If this woman had approached me, even after speaking to my husband first, I probably wouldn't be as bothered. Right now I think she's just a predator. I don't know if she knows where we live (probably so, though, a lot of times she comes up behind me as I'm pulling out of the drive) and there have been many occasions where we've had a Ferrari or a Maserati in the driveway because of H's work. Maybe she thought he was rich?


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I hear ya CMWI. You're way closer to the situation than I am. I was just offering up a different perspective, however my track record for recovery is NOT exactly sterling...

I'll stop jacking up your thread and let you and the vets converse, I need to RMPL anyway...

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Originally Posted by CWMI
If this woman had approached me, even after speaking to my husband first, I probably wouldn't be as bothered. Right now I think she's just a predator.


CWMI. I read your post about your bus stop problem and it has been bothering me all day because it is very much how my neighbor get her claws into my own DH. She used her kids as her dating agency...it was always about the kids in some way.

Personally, I think you should approach this woman and get her cell. work, and home phone number. Engage her and find out as much personal information as you can. Then keep your eyes open for any sign of her trying to contact your DH.


I tried to keep my own DH and skank neighbor apart but she was too sneaky and underhanded for me. She always had an "innocent" reason to approach him for help (behind my back.)

Keep your eyes open.



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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Most of the wayward husbands over on SAA talk about how "needy" the OW is and how much she needs him. Most women with an IQ over 59 know that the way to lure a married man would be to ask them for help. Men will usually fall for that because they are wired to help women. Flirting and other obvious signals would only be effective with a MM who was openly available.


Ring a ding, ding, ding.

That's how you expose the cracks in the armor. Being needed/needing help feeds into admiration.

Once inside the boundaries, then the full on EN assault can begin.


Best approach; just stay the hell away!


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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CWMI,

If it was me I would be just like you. This woman would have a target on her back. I'm sorry, but she knows exactly what she's doing. Walking up to a man instead of a woman is a huge red flag. I think you're smart to have your eyes open. Watch your back and your H. Stay alert, friend.

I think pokerface has some great advice. Also the OW in my stint used the kids also and groceries (she worked at a grocery store).


FWW/BW (me)
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Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted by HoldHerHand
Best approach; just stay the hell away!


Sometimes trying to stay the hell away doesn't work with a maybe predatory single OW who lives nearby, drives past the house, and whose kid goes to same bus stop.

Know your enemy CWMI. Get all the personal intel from her so that you can keep an eye on her and also be able to expose her if need be.

I hope you listen...just trying to keep away may not be enough.
I'm saying this from my own personal experience. My OW was even able to convince me that she was my friend but it started out like your story.


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Agree with every word pokerface said!


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I'll talk to her tomorrow morning. I very very likely won't be able to pull off anything like faking trying to be her friend to get her digits, but I have massive amounts of google-fu and at least a dozen more years of history in this hood; I know people, iow. I can volunteer again for the HOA if I need to, then I have access to all the records connected to her house. But I can probably get those anyway. I know where she lives, but I'll have to cruise by to get the house #. Then google will purge it all in my lap. I have actually started with a first name and cell phone number, and ended up with FB, deed records, marriage license and divorce papers, and no, that had nothing to do with my H. smile I had a name and phone number of someone I'd met once, and looked her up.

So, while I don't think I can pull off anything friendly, I have complete confidence in my ability to scare the crap out of her without ever making a direct threat. At this point, I don't trust her to give me truthful information anyway. She's had months to talk to me.


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Crap, now it's pouring rain. I'm not standing outside in the rain to b-slap that dog. Maybe it'll quit by the time we go up there, in an hour.


Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
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I am loving this CWMI.

It always amuses me that
I tell hubby when I need protection from a man.
AND I tell hubby when HE needs protection from a woman.

Men can be a (little) clueless about these things but we catch the vibe way earlier.

Good on you for the diligence.

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