|
|
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066 |
I have to admit that I am jealous/envious/apprehensive when I see a WH posting and making promises and changes. It stirs a lot up in me and I feel short-changed. Not sure how to handle it, except to stay away from those threads. Honestly, I'm not sure if this forum has much to offer me anymore. 
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123 Likes: 1 |
I have to admit that I am jealous/envious/apprehensive when I see a WH posting and making promises and changes. It stirs a lot up in me and I feel short-changed. Not sure how to handle it, except to stay away from those threads. Honestly, I'm not sure if this forum has much to offer me anymore. I stay away from a lot of threads. Maybe it's you that has things to offer the forum. 
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066 |
Thank you, HHH. I appreciate that.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066 |
Kiss should have left work an hour ago and been home by now. He's not answering his phone.
It's silly. It's stupid. But times like these, I don't know if I can do it anymore!!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,093
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,093 |
Kiss should have left work an hour ago and been home by now. He's not answering his phone.
It's silly. It's stupid. But times like these, I don't know if I can do it anymore!! It's not silly or stupid. But don't get yourself all worked up until you know what the problem is. Calm is in control. I'm working on this myself.
Me (42)
Her (43) - feuillecouleur
DS(11)
DD(7)
Married: June 24, 2000
Recovered
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686 |
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123 Likes: 1 |
Kiss should have left work an hour ago and been home by now. He's not answering his phone.
It's silly. It's stupid. But times like these, I don't know if I can do it anymore!! Neither silly nor stupid. It's a violation of the rule of care, and your anxiety is the consequence of his violation. So, how are you going to communicate this?
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066 |
Yes, he got home around 6:30. He was at a customer's house. I explained to him him (again) how important it is that he be more accountable to me about hid whereabouts. That he knows what goes through my head. He apologized, said he understands and will be more accountable in the future.
I just don't know how to prevent it from happening. But I won't let mysekf freak out in the future.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5 |
Yes, he got home around 6:30. He was at a customer's house. I explained to him him (again) how important it is that he be more accountable to me about hid whereabouts. That he knows what goes through my head. He apologized, said he understands and will be more accountable in the future.
I just don't know how to prevent it from happening. But I won't let mysekf freak out in the future. What Plan does he have to "be more accountable"? For example, call or text every time he leaves work?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686 |
This doesn't feel right. SOMETHING is off here. He has lied before and I am inclined to think he is doing so now because of his poor record.
If it was a client why didn't he call you before he left work? Why not text you while he was there?
How many times is he going to do this before he actually gets the point?
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,093
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,093 |
This doesn't feel right. SOMETHING is off here. He has lied before and I am inclined to think he is doing so now because of his poor record.
If it was a client why didn't he call you before he left work? Why not text you while he was there?
How many times is he going to do this before he actually gets the point? What's off is that he is not sensitive to her feelings. He doesn't "get it". I doubt he was doing anything nefarious, but I understand how RQ feels. I wonder about this, because as a BH, I am expected to weather this kind of thing until she is "in love". Not sure that works as well with a WH.
Me (42)
Her (43) - feuillecouleur
DS(11)
DD(7)
Married: June 24, 2000
Recovered
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066 |
Karma, I did call his place of employment and I was told he was at a customer's house but he should have called and told me. We had an agreement that he would call or text me if he would be more than half an hour late.
I just wish he would be more sensitive to my feelings, FtF.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5 |
Karma, I did call his place of employment and I was told he was at a customer's house but he should have called and told me. We had an agreement that he would call or text me if he would be more than half an hour late.
I just wish he would be more sensitive to my feelings, FtF. So you already had this EP in place? What was the condition if he broke an EP?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686 |
I was agreeing with you RQ.
And I too want to know -- what happens when he breaks an EP?
If you keep trying to stomach this he will eventually get ballsy enough to do more and more hurtful things when he sees that his little "oopses" go without consequences.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066 |
Karma, yes I know. Didn't mean to make it sound that you weren't! When he does thoughtless things, my LB drops a lot and I withdraw from him. So I wouldn't say that I have an actual consequence for him, but I do distance myself from him until I feel he is "safe" to be close to again. Does that make sense?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686 |
That makes sense, but I think what's on all minds is: How long do you feel able to keep doing this?
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066 |
That makes sense, but I think what's on all minds is: How long do you feel able to keep doing this? I ask myself the same thing! I guess, as long as I can.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686 |
I really feel that you should set some sort of date. Trying to recover, one-sided, indefinitely, is very, very unhealthy.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5 |
I thought of you when I heard this. It's the third question. What do you think? Radio Clip
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 571
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 571 |
Karma, I did call his place of employment and I was told he was at a customer's house but he should have called and told me. We had an agreement that he would call or text me if he would be more than half an hour late.
I just wish he would be more sensitive to my feelings, FtF. So you already had this EP in place? What was the condition if he broke an EP? I hope you don't mind, RQ - but I'm curious. I thought KISS worked retail in a sort of managerial role. Why is he going to customer's homes? How comfortable are you with that?
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
1 members (TALKINGNONSENSE),
368
guests, and
63
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,623
Posts2,323,495
Members71,970
| |
Most Online3,224
5 hours ago
|
|
|
|
