I do understand the vast terrible possibilities and every night I go to bed I try to accept the fact that she could be in bed sleeping naked on another guys chest. And then in the morning saying good morning to me and she loves me. I also accept that she's dragging this out as long as possible til I quit, so she doesn't have to bear the burden of guilt. I am willing to accept that, should it come down to the choice she makes. regardless, I'm joining the Air Force as soon as possible and getting my career going for my own sake. 1. If this will take me going away and becoming an airman for her to realize I am the man she thought I could be, that will help, 2. If she still shows no love, I will at least have a good career. And 3. I have no other choice, she to this day, denies me to even come visit her. She doesn't want me to move in, and doesn't want me shipped there to live for a few months before I go to basic training.
She basically does not want me to step foot on her base overseas. And she even stated that she thought about canceling our join spouse plans to be stationed there together as she said"so we don't have to extend our stay here for 3 years" aka ... I want to stay single on this base for two years and maybe I'll meet up with you after I'm done with my flings.
She still strongly suggests to me to take certain careers in the Air Force as they pay a lot and have reenlistment bonus's. if she is talking reenlistment bonus, and plans on being with me to share that money, she plans on being with me 6,10,12 years at least to reap those benefits? If she really does not love me, why go through an unhappy marriage that long just to spend my bonus? Wouldn't a wife rather detach sooner? Or maybe she plans on being separate for as long as possible and blame it on military life, and not her lack of love or care.
Or maybe she's being extremely selfish and wrong as a wife to get back at me for "treating her so bad" that she is going to enjoy her single life for the next two years and try to ween herself off and back to me after? Even though its completely despicable, she could have honest intentions to make it right with me after time, like a couple going through an agreed seperation and making it work, after affairs and other loves and love lost. Although our seperation started off as mandatory due to work, it's ending up being by her emotional choice now that she has withdrawn from me.
Also if anyone has advice on how to send her spyware via email, please inform me, I have no other way of tracking her email or Facebook or computer keystrokes or anything. I feel there is a gold mine of information there that would help me decide how to proceed. Until then, I'm still patient to her, encouraging that she's a good person and always holding my hand out if she wants to take it, at the same time doing the best for myself, trying to be more positive and happy, working out, eating healthy, and trying to ship off ASAP, the things she would've found attractive in me when we started dating.
God blesses those who persevere, right?