If anyone would be so kind as to help me figure out how to implement Plan A in my situation...
...I'm just very concerned as you guys say Plan A is so shaky when not done right, what do you think would happen if I played it "cool" like this, she went out, possibly Has a continued affair or numerous one nighters, and I weather the pain and still show her love until she sees me in the Air Force finally, making good money, looking good and feeling good, and decides she wants to become a real wife and the "party is over"? I'm afraid if this does drag on 5-6 more months then it will be almost impossible to pull her out of that depraved ditch she is in, that she simply won't want to try. She would have to initiate the divorce though, as I will not participate. I just don't see her doing that if I'm making these efforts for her, though time can change so much, especially spending every day the next half a year, apart. Even with the plans to see each other in the "future", it can be out if sight out of mind for her now.
A few thoughts
1. You can't Plan A in your sitch. You know that analogy of throwing rocks in a stream you mentioned? You are throwing rocks in the ATLANTIC OCEAN. I'm a submariner, trust me it's deep. What you are trying may work, but it's no plan A.
2. She MAY come around. Many of these "geo-bachelors" stop their whorish behavior when they finally look at themseves and say "what have I become?", or more likely they get caught by their husband/wife. She MAY get to that point after a few ONS or not. She MAY fall "in love" with another guy showering her attention then you are out of the picture completely within six months. If your plan is to stick this out, deal with the pain, put on a happy face, move there someday, test her for STDs, and (ultimately fail to) recover your marriage, I feel for you. I can tell from your writing, you are better then that. She blocks her husband from social media? I would take what you've learned, file for D, join the AF, find a woman who loves you and will actually live with you, and work on a life of happiness meeting eachothers ENs. That's me though.
3. Military logistics make NO guarantees that you will actually end up stationed with her. You say a half a year. It may be much longer. Consider that.
Hey thanks for your clear and level headed reply.
So far it's been about 3 weeks since our meltdown. And my unique "Plan A" style approach has achieved her affection to rise from 10% of usual, to about 30% I'd say now.
We say good morning and goodnight and talk every day. Yet her "I love yous" are dropping out randomly. It was a 3x or more thing a day, now the past few days 1 or none, when she goes in the morning, she will say "ok I'm gonna go get breakfast bye babe<3" or "bye love". While I say ok bye have a good day I love you... None in return
Social media update, she has added me back on one site and updated her info to state she is married ( surprising),
yet on twitter...her track record of her "favorite" tweets usually go hand in hand with her emotions.. When we were happy she would favorite tweets from such and such person about their present happiness with being married, tweets about kids, future moving upwards kind of things. When we melted down, she favorited things like "know what you're getting and what you deserve are diff things" and "it's my life and I'll make my own choices" ..... Now, in this half assed recovery phase, she favorited a couple of my tweets and then this morning... One from someone that said "what's it like to date again?"
So according to her past behaviors regarding favorites being a mirror image of her mind... She's thinking about the dating scene?
This has me worried as two days ago she stated she was very stressed and couldn't sleep lately. I asked if it was work bothering her. She stated "yeah work, I never have time to work out and also I can't even tell you everything that's bothering me" ... I didn't push her and she never told me.
She also informed me she will be getting a tattoo Saturday at big metro area 1.5 hrs away from her base. I asked how she was getting there and she said by train. I said by yourself!? She said no I'm going with (we'll call him L), because he wanted to get a tattoo too. So in my head I have to plan A my response... I'm just like oh.. Just you two ? She said yes I asked (his guy friend) to go too but he said he didn't want to sit and do nothing for 7 hours watching us getting tattooed. I said yeah I know the feeling...
So what we have here is a plan about a week or two in the making, for them to go off somewhere and get tattooed. For some reason she said he just didnt want to drive and that's why they are taking a train, I think it's because she thinks it will be fun (and romantic, you see we planned on taking trains around..as a MARRIED COUPLE).
Luckily I have the tattoo artists contact info and I'm going to ask him, when they're gone, if he thought their interactions were appropriate. And if they said they had plans that night, as tattoo small talk can achieve a lot, especially if they are both outspoken and flirty on their "date". If she pulls some BS like "the train isn't going to make it back in time, we have to get a place out here", I don't know what I'm going to do, I will need the help of god and my family not to break down, as it will be clear what the weekend trip would amount to. Her interest in dating, her eerie calm attitude to me now, less i love yous, spending a 4 hour round trip on a train and hours more bonding through getting tattooed with him alone, it all adds up she is developing feelings for him, what we are seeing appears to be an emotional affair, it's been growing for almost two months and no one saw it coming.
She sees this 19 year old kid almost every day, and when I ask where she was, she beats around the bush and tells me she was with him without actually saying it. She knows I know that when she needs a ride to the post office, and to get food, he takes her. So I ask what have you been up to? I've been hoping we could chat after you got off work, and she will say oh sry I went to the post office and to the base exchange and then got Pizza Hut, I feel fat I'm going to work out then shower. Then leaves me hanging until I go to work and she's up til 11pm after I leave. When we were "ok" she would easily and voluntarily go to bed around 830-9pm. She complains she's tired and not eating right lately.
Typical of waywards, and borderline personality sufferers(which I suspect could be possible), she is probably feeling that excitement of falling for someone new? Learning about them and playing the game of "do you have a crush on me too?", she wants the chase and it's well known affair relationships don't spring off into beautiful flourishing lives together, usually something gets ruined on either end and they part ways, the question is even if she falls in love with him in the coming months...or [censored] this month... What do you think the odds are she will, as you say, realize wtf has my life become? And remember deep down she wants a stable relationship with a loving home and children, not to bounce boyfriend to boyfriend.
It's painful to think that may be all she's capable of doing, that she won't ever settle down....and let booze and the new car smell of multiple men guide her life, just like her mother, who lost her drivers license to too many DUis and is now old and unattractive and unhealthy and ALONE. My wife is walking on thin ice and is doing so proudly. Why is she so self destructive? She has a skin condition which has left her self conscious since she developed the ability to have conscious thoughts.. I have been thinking the borderline... And the need for validation from many men thru physical means was always important to her then, to feel like a pretty girl. But I'm no doctor. Just a man struggling to see the good and still love and forgive, like God would to me...
Oh and an edit here for an addition... She is now saying I need to hurry and get this process going to join, when she was apathetic and ready for a slow pace just a week ago. Could this be a cry for help like "I'm about to fall for someone please come stop me" or is it "hey get your career going already so I can ditch you and not feel bad, I'm tryin to get with this new guy over here and you're slowing me down"