You are going to have a very difficult time recovering your marriage from a distance, do you understand this? If you can't join your wife in her new duty station and then remain together every single night for the rest of your marriage together, your wife (and you) will always be at risk of affairs.

Every wayward appears to have personality disorders, so don't get concerned about this at this point. I was sure my H was a sociopath, but once the waywardness ended and our marriage recovered, he's a wonderful man.

Everyone is wired to have an affair. Those who have no accountability and leave their love bank open to members of the opposite will often have affairs. Given the right opportunity, just about anybody would have an affair. That's why it's so important to follow basic marital rules, such as living an integrated (no nights apart, leisure time together) and transparent (passwords shared) lifestyle, meeting each other's ENs and avoiding LBs.

God forgives us, but we have to repent and then sin no more. There is a time for forgiveness, but you're not there yet. First, you have to end the affair and you have to change your lifestyle so that you can live together and build a marriage in which you and your wife, two separate people, blend together. You can't have that while living apart. And the military is notorious for its bad marriages, given all the separations.

No one here will discourage you from trying to save your marriage, but until you can live together and stay together, your marriage is going to suffer and your wife will continue living like a single person.


Married 1980
DDay Nov 2010

Recovered thanks to Marriage Builders