Dr Harley's response to an email from a poster whose WH went to co-ed AA meetings without POJA:

Originally Posted By: Dr Harley
I don't believe that the POJA is an option for marriage. I believe that it's essential for marriage. Those who do not follow that guideline face a lifetime of misery. That's because if spouses don't make their decisions with each other's feelings in mind, they end up trampling over each other's feelings, the way your husband has trampled over your feelings. If your husband feels that the POJA is something that can be violated occasionally, he'll have another affair, or do something else to ruin your life. His affair may or may not be with someone in his co-ed AA meeting, but will almost be a certainty. If your husband, or anyone else, for that matter, doesn't take extraordinary precautions to avoid an affair, they'll end up having one because they're so common and so tempting. From my perspective, it's that simple.


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B